Here I am, raunchin’ like a hurricane, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In North Carolina, a woman stabbed her roommate/ ex-boyfriend because she claimed he wouldn’t stop playing Eagles music; he’s OK, she stabbed him with those steely knives, but she just couldn’t kill the beast.

Miller Lite is advertising their new Punch Top Can that makes the beer pour faster; because that’s our biggest problem, we’re not getting our beer fast enough.

Right after ending his engagement to Miley Cyrus, Liam Helmsworth was seen making out with singer/actress Eiza Gonzales. Miley was caught checking into a Torrance Motel 6 with a sledge hammer.

France is passing a law that would make child beauty pageants illegal; oh my god, do you realize what this means? For the first time in my life, I agree with the French.

After her VMA twerking and naked wrecking ball, I get that Miley Cyrus doesn’t want to be Hanna Montana anymore. But does she have to be ‘Ho Idaho?

Today is National Cheeseburger Day. We need a National Cheeseburger Day like New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie needs to enter a hot dog eating contest.

Since you asked:

For us folks who grew up in their prime in the ‘80’s? Looking over some pictures from the ‘80’s, and guess what? We weren’t near as cool as we thought we were.

Between or candy-striped dolphin shorts, mullets and Farrah-do’s with too much mousse, neon-colored polyester shirts, bad sun burns,  tube-socks, mirror sunglasses and then the Vaurnets,  and slowly into the striped-short sleeve Ralph Lauren look with the pleated khakis and the top siders, we gave it a shot, but it didn’t really work.

Who da mang?

Clay Trey, so nice they named him thrice. That Clay “By God” Mathews III. Boy can ball, y'all. Might have to give myself a pass on the “You can’t wear a jersey of somebody younger than you” rule.