Friday, January 04, 2013

Wally doing his Jackrabbit impression
We know what we’re knowing, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Attendance at the Times Square New Year’s Eve party was down. Some blamed the cold weather, others say if New Yorkers want to watch a ball drop they’ll watch the Jets’ Mark Sanchez.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are expecting. Rumor has it they will name the baby Storm. Short for Perfect Storm of Doucheness.

The Chicago Bears fired head coach Lovie Smith. Apparently they weren’t feeling the Lovie.

A study indicates men addicted to online porn suffer short-term memory loss. Hey, guys, what did I just say?

In Florida, a 50-year-old woman was arrested for beating her 32-year-old boyfriend for finishing mutual oral sex too early. In other words, he unchained his Django too soon.

I was watching TV Sunday and the weirdest thing happened; The commercials I was watching got interrupted by an NFL football game.

Monday was the Chic –fil-A Bowl between LSU and Clemson. The Chic-fil-A Bowl is the only bowl where the tight end is not allowed to line up in the A-hole.

Since you asked:

When your internet access goes down, it is a fascinating study in the workings/frailties of the human mind.

My first worry was no Google. It is like having your car keys go missing, or someone taking away your shoes. You feel so helpless. Then you go through a series of stupid ideas like, OK, I’ll just get on Facebook. Not so much. Let’s just check the e-mails. Crap.  Well then I will just post something on Twitter. Nope. Fine, then I’ll play a game of Words with Friends on Facebook until, oh, right.

All I could do was write on Word.

This self mind-farting continues unabated for ADD-like short time lapses. Finally, after a solid hour of testing everything over and over, it sinks in you can’t do anything that involves the internet. Then that reality creeps into irrationality. You start to think you can’t use the bathroom, or your phone, or the TV or your car.