Monday, December 31, 2012

Stoke it, poke it and joke it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Knicks fan, director Spike Lee, said he is boycotting Quinten Tarrantino’s “Tjango Unchained” because it uses the N-word. “Wow, this is serious because Spike Lee is a very important guy,” said the year 1989.

In Florida, a 50-year-old woman was arrested for beating her 32-year-old boyfriend for finishing mutual oral sex too early. Hey, it’s not his fault, it is simple math. In 69, six does come before nine.

I finally found out what Auld Lang Syne means. It is Scottish for Mayans Are Wrong.

“Mystery Science Theater 3000” named Twilight the worst movie ever. This statement was surprising as it was announced at the Pauly Shore Film Festival. 

“Consumer Reports” has named the Toyota Prius as the best car value. And “Hipster, D-Bag Quarterly” gave it three wool hats. 

NFL thoughts from a guy who finished last in his Fantasy League.

Even if you're a huge fan of Tony Romo - and why not? He is an awesome QB - the first time he blows a big game in the end, well, that happens.

Second time is a coincidence. The third? Bad luck. 

Fourth and fifth? Gotta haul out the word that rhymes with bloke.

My Chicago sources are doing a little dance of schadenfreude joy over the firing of Lovie. Apparently he wasn't so Lovie'd after all. 

Don't care who your team is, we are all Indianapolis Colts fans this year. 

RGIII is the real deal. Apparently, like Clay the Treble, if you want your kid to tear up the NFL, hang a III after his name. 

Adrian "All Day" Peterson is a freak of nature and a nice guy. Good for him. 

Fellow Bear fans, even pro athletes are human. Maybe ruthlessly booing your playoff bound team wasn't the way to go in terms of motivation? 

New rule: anyone who thanks Jesus for a touchdown has to donate $5,000 to St. Jude's Children's Hospital.