Monday, December 10, 2012

Mitt Romney sits on the board of directors at Marriott. You know how the housekeeper folds the tip of the toilet paper to form a point? That was Mitt’s idea.

The Rolling Stones received rave reviews on the start of their 50th anniversary tour in Brooklyn; one critic called the Stones ageless. Ten years ago they were described as ancient and decrepit, now they’re ageless. In another ten years they’ll be downright youthful. 

It is time to play a rousing game of:

If Lex Was In Charge of the NFL:

Football pants have to cover knees.

No celebrations after non-scoring plays, sacks being the exception. (Last week a running back ran for four yards, a safety tackled him and both got up and danced) 

No naming high schools in the pre-game introductions. 

No mumbling in the pre-game introductions.

Insert GPS chip inside of the ball. No more chain gangs. 

No more pointing to Jesus/God after a score.  God and Jesus have far more important things to do than help you score against your fellow players.

Sideline apparel must include suit and tie.

No ugly throw back uniforms. This means you Pittsburgh and those convict killer bee outfits. 

No more face masks that could double as a pasta strainer. 

All chins straps must be strapped.

No gloves hanging from face masks.

Take a play off on the field, sit on the bench the rest of the game.

Balls to be thrown to only children in the stands. 

Bring back the sleeveless, knee long sideline jackets. There were so cool. 

No NFL player may own a gun. Period. (Repeat after me: playing in the NFL is an honor filled with responsibilities, not a right) 

You get a DUI, you are out of the league for life. (Every team has a car service for drunk players and it is free. No excuses on this one)   

Now, I know I am biased:

about Trey Clay, Clay Cubed, Clay Uno, dos, tres, but it sure seems to me the Packers have dropped from a great team to an OK team since he has been gone. Certainly their defense has. 

The important thing is that, in the zone cover six, the inside technique drops blitz responsibility in play action and reads to the hot box flyer for stack releases.