Friday, November 09, 2012

"Night School" Wally and the two-step romps, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers 

If you didn’t vote because you were still undecided? Don’t worry. You have another four years to decide whether you’re an idiot or an imbecile.

TMZ showed a picture of Kim Kardashian at the gym parking her Rolls Royce in a handicapped spot. I’m not a doctor, but I am pretty sure herpes does not count as a handicap.

Right on the heels of Sandy, the East Coast has been hammered with a snowstorm. This one isn’t powerful, like Sandy, it is just annoying. So they’re calling it snowstorm Trump.

Los Angeles passed proposition B that requires male porn actors to wear condoms. Why is it called Proposition B? They didn’t think the name proposition P.P. would work

Guess their campaign ads worked: “If you want porn stars only sharing love, vote for B so they wear a glove.”

Now that the election is over, I have some serious questions. Why wasn’t there an initiative on the ballot to give mandatory death sentences to technical support operators who put you on hold for an hour and then hang up?

House Speaker, John Boehner, was not happy about the election results; he cried so much there were orange tanning spray stains on his shirt. 

First they had the disastrous super storm Sandy, now the East Coast his being hammered by a snowstorm; this isn’t weather, this is more like divine wrath. Aren’t the New York Mets, New York Knicks and New York Jets punishment enough?

Colorado became the first state to legalize recreational-use marijuana; asked to comment, one Colorado resident said; “Yeah, dude, that’s really cool, I just think that, wait, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Dorritos.”

The republican vote in Alabama was so strong a dead republican was voted in over a live democrat; they voted in a dead guy. He’s not very productive, but he doesn’t accept as many bribes as other politicians.

Since you asked:
My family and good friends suffered three tragically untimely losses recently. Now, I don't know much, but I do know this: after the memorial service is over and the hugs and the condolence wishes start to slow, you're still going to truly believe there has been a horrible mistake and they are going to walk through the door again.

There will be many mornings when you wake up and forget that something is horribly wrong and then remember that it won't ever be right again. 

All I can say is, believe it or not, if you hang in there, you will have good days again. Nothing will ever be the same, but you will have good days again.  

Good days like when your puppy, Wally, feels rain on his head for the first time and tries to bite it. Or when he went romping across the lawn chasing a butterfly. 

Anyway, you know who you are and I am thinking about you. 

And I love you.

OK, yes, I can be a bit of a hypochondriac, but...

This time I am pretty certain I have a rare form of lower spine, facial and scalp cancer.

That or I am a little hungover, one...

Oh my god, a "Seinfeld" routine just happened in front of my eyes.

My lovely and wonderful wife, Virginia, is a terminal conversation  no-ender. Lots of;

"Oh, OK, I'll talk to you later, oh, wait, what do you want to do for dinner?"

Well, she has finally met her match in the contractor who is here to fix the bathroom that flooded. Between the two of them it has been endless and endless;

"Oh, wait, and one more thing. What about the . . ."


"George, you've got to call me on my cell phone and say you have an emergency. I am in the clutches of a terminal conversation no-ender. "


"Oh, those are the worst. I used to have a boss who would drag . . ."


"Shut up and call me."