Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Oh, Zull-y, you nut, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Dear "Breaking Bad";

Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at 50-something-white-guy-in-tightie-whities-and-a-gas-mask-careening-down-mountain-road-in-a-crappy-RV-meth-lab-filled-with-sewage-acid-and-two-bodies.

My life has been hijacked by this damn show. Whoever did this to me, I want them to start pooping me Tiffany cufflinks or I will have them standing tall before the man. Do you read me? Outstanding.


Dear Mr. Mister:

One broken wing and a lot of luck and maybe that bird flies again. But two broken wings? Plural? That bird is a pedestrian. Kiwis will fly before that thing does. 

Just being candid.


Dear Nike:

Your hypocrisy continues to know no bounds. You dump Lance Armstrong for "doping" yet you keep a known steroid cheat, Alex Rodriguez, in your stable of whores.

Part of it is Lance's fault for being dumped by Nike. Instead of getting caught doping, he should have sexually assaulted women or killed puppies, like Ben Roethlisberger and Michael Vick. Nike kept them.