Saturday, October 13, 2012

Mind your ear, Creek, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

What’s the difference between Joe Biden and a pit bull? Teeth whitener.

So who does Paul Ryan’s hair? Eddie Munster?

A Florida man died right after winning a cockroach-eating contest. This will officially change the Florida state motto from In God We Trust to: Yo, We Got Some Mad Human Trash Living Up In This Piece.

A Florida man used a stun-gun to steal a pizza from a Papa John’s delivery man. Or as they all this guy in Florida: a high-tech mastermind criminal.

The San Francisco Giants came back to win the NLCS over the Cincinnati Reds. In the Castro district, men were ripping off their shirts, drinking, dancing and hugging. Asked how long they will celebrate the Giants win they said; “What Giants win?” 

The San Francisco Giants came back to win the NLCS over the Cincinnati Reds thanks to the Giants’ Buster Posey’s grand slam. And to think I had no idea the actor who played “Napoleon Dynamite” was such a good athlete.

Lots of interesting information coming out of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s book. For example, instead of “Terminator 2” catch-phrase “Hasta la vista, baby,”Arnold wanted to say; “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”  

Since you asked:
In honor of the great "Modern Family" Phil Dunphy's "Phil-osophy", e.g. "Try and enjoy a sunset once a day," here we now have:


Enjoy the little things in life. But some big things are pretty cool. And the middle-sized ones can be great. So there's that.

Commit one act of random kindness a day. But not to that she-witch down the street, Charlotte. Almost every day she cut me off when I was taking Ann Caroline to school, that bitch...

Play music when you cook and talk when you eat dinner. Unless something really good is on TV,  like a good game or something.

Give a nickname to all of your pants. Time to put you on, Mr. Grey Guy. Yo, BJ the blue jeans, time to hang you up.

When you work out, laugh and scoff at the millions of people who are not working out. When you don't work out, tell those smug jerks who are working out and mocking you to eff off. 

Once a day sweat, laugh, poop and cry. Just don't do all four when you're having sex.  

Be the best that you can be. Unless you're a douche-bag, then go the other way.

All things in moderation including, from time-to-time, moderation.