Thursday, March 29, 2012

Yo Mama wear pajama, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Newt Gingrich had to lay off a large number of his campaign staff; upon hearing this, his wife, Calista, was shocked and horrified. Or ecstatic and delighted, we can’t really tell.

A Kentucky fan put an ad on Craigslist offering his wife in exchange for tickets to see Kentucky play in New Orleans. I don’t want to say this guy is a hick, but he is also throwing in his sister. Turns out his wife and sister are one in the same.

Louisville and Kentucky are in the NCAA final four. There is a difference between the fans. Louisville fans consider it rude not to say Sir and Maam. Kentucky fans consider it rude not to take off muddy hunting boots before climbing into bed with their cousin.

Is everyone on Facebook and Twitter? Here is some good advice: do not friend or follow anyone on a diet. You will see a picture and description of every single thing they eat. I’ve lost weight from getting sick reading about them.

A Jetblue flight from New York to Las Vegas had to be diverted to Texas because the pilot went berserk. Apparently he became furious when he suspected Alec Baldwin was cheating in their game of Words With Friends.

A group led by Magic Johnson has purchased the LA Dodgers for $2 billion. The only thing Magic about the Dodgers before this was how they made fans disappear.

Since you asked:

Golf is an interesting sport to me because it seems to require a certain type of personality to be good at it. Yes, there is athleticism, but it seems to require a certain amount of fastidiousness. Most good golfers have nice clothes and clean cars.

To put it in “Odd Couple” terms, Felix would be awesome at golf, Oscar a hack.

Me? Way too much of a slob to be good at golf. My personality is perfectly suited for rugby. Knock the crap out of an opponent and then take him to a bar afterwards and regale him with dick jokes.

Golfers have the best kind of OCD that results in business success. They have a lot of business contacts who are friends. They are polite, well-mannered and say nice things about people or they don’t say anything at all. They like their cocktails and steak and may be – or used to be – quite a player with the laaaaaadies. (That much I have in common with them)

A lot of good golfers talk in joke/clichés and it really makes them chuckle:

Ball lands in the trap. “Hey, good for you, you’re on the beach.”

Ball lands on the green on the opposite side of the hole. “I’m on the dance floor, but I can’t hear the music.”

Earnest driving advice; “You’re problem is you’re standing too close to the ball (wait for it) after you hit it.

And of course an endless supply of “Caddy Shack” lines, of which I am still guilty.