Keep on rocking in the free world, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.


Did you see Newt Gingrich get all weepy over his mom at the Des Moines meeting? It was quite emotional, even orange house speaker John Boehner said; "Dude, get it together, really."

Proud to say I made one of those "Best Quotes of the Year" lists in a Canadian newspaper;

"Kim Kardashian was married in a white wedding dress; that's about as appropriate as Richard Simmons getting married in a Chicago Bear uniform."

Yes, I just quoted myself.

"'Datgoodboyyyyy"

I'll take a word we don't use on Wrigley very much for $500, Alex.

Since you asked:

You simply have to love the commonality and the predictability of big time celebrity unions like Katy Perry and Russell Brand.

First there are the leaked paparazzi photos of them emerging together from a club or restaurant and then the vehement denials they are together from both publicists.

This is followed by the leaked paparazzi photos of them together shopping on Rodeo Drive or Fifth Avenue and then the vehement denials from both sides.

This is followed by the leaked paparazzi photos of them together wearing engagement rings and the vehement denials of being engaged from both sides.

Then the admission of their engagement and the expensive bidding of who gets to take the wedding pictures to be leaked by the paparazzi.

Then the six months of wedded bless with leaked paparazzi photos of them holding hands on the beach while jogging in Malibu and - as much as I hate to say it - stand up paddle boarding in Hawaii.

Then the leaked paparazzi photos of their new dog/child/cat/bird they named Lugnut or Enclave, Saturn, Bicycle or Persimmon.

Then the leaked paparazzi photos of the happy couple suddenly doing things separately followed by vehement denials of any problems from both parties and their admission that they despise the paparazzi who are causing these lies to be spread.

Then the leaked paparazzi-leaked photos of each of them canoodling with a new lover/celebrity followed by the vehement denials from both camps of anything being wrong with the marriage.

Then the dramatic public announcement of their divorce. And a pleading request that the vile and evil paparazzi respect their privacy during this difficult time.

The whole process is so sweet and sincere.