They done up and got Pootswaggered, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Let me wish all my dyslexic friends a Happy 1202.

Charlie Sheen can't believe its 2012. He keeps writing Malibu Escort Services on his checks.

Finally found out what Auld Lang Syne means. Its Scottish for "Tiger Blood-Drinking Warlock."

Since you asked:

The San Diego Chargers need to keep Norv Turner, they'll be sorry if they let him leave. Imagine of the Chargers had Darren Sproles and Michael Turner this year? And no depth in either offensive or defensive line.

AJ Smith is the ass-bag who has to go. (Since writing this, both have been retained)

Despite Super Bowl predictions, the Dallas Cowboys failed to make it in the playoffs again. Now, I am a Tony Romo fan, but I despise gas-bag, face-lift freak, owner Jerry Jones.

At Chicago’s O’Hare airport I met a couple from Indianapolis at an airport bar. This loud and clearly already drunk coupel were resplendent in Cowboy gear and let anyone who was near know they had $500,000 season tickets. (This despite they were flying Spirit airlines to Dallas for $33)

Try to imagine the biggest douches you can who would own – or say they owned – tickets for that much money in this economy, then triple it and you have this couple.

She was one of those colossal a-holes who don’t deem others (me) worthy to talk to so she would just make proclamations – for example how close and friendly they were with the Jones family – and then turn around to the bar. He was just a fat, idiot blow hard.