Ho, ho, ho and three other Christmas wishes, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Il passed away; the reigns of power will go to his youngest son, Kim Jong Un, passing over the two older sons, Kim Jong Tito and Kim Jong Jermaine.

In sad news, Kobe Bryant’s wife, Vanessa, has filed for divorce; this is horrible timing for Kobe. With the season about to start, this will take all the fun out of cheating on her on the road.

Britney Spears is engaged for the third time, this time to her former agent, Jason Trawick. If you want to get a wedding gift, they’re registered at Bed, Bath and Not Beyond 72 Days.

There is a new app on Facebook that enables you to find out which one of your friends has un-friended you. You just have to click “like” on the page you admit you are the saddest and neediest person alive.

Britney Spears is engaged for the third time, this time to her former agent, Jason Trawick. I’m sending them a nice wedding present just as soon as Kim Kardashian sends it back to me.

There are only two kinds of Holiday newsletters. The ones where the family is showing off; “Our trip to Tahiti? One word: amazing.” And the ones where the family is depressing as hell: “Muffy, our dog died, but it’s just as well, we lost our house and our shabby apartment doesn’t take pets.”

As Christmas approaches, did you know that Jesus Christ supposedly had a younger brother named James? How would that Christmas newsletter from Mary have gone?

“As you probably know, our oldest son, Jesus, is celebrating a birthday soon and we could not be prouder. Our youngest son, James, or Jimmy, is also doing well, but in his low-profile way. He is the drummer for the ska band, Bad-Ass-Beats 69, and was involved with the Occupy Nazareth protests.”