This just in: Alabama politician, Bill Johnson, has a secret job donating sperm to Australian lesbian couples. Not bad work for a politician. At least he wasn't jerking his constituents around.

Where was this job when I was in high school? I'd have been so rich, charities would be asking: Bill Gates who?

Don't mock, the guy made a lot of money until he had to retire due to a work-related injury: tennis elbow. Before that he was a regular Warren Buff It. And his company was Berkshire Whack-away. We could do these all day.