Wednesday, August 24, 2011

We gonna snatch them bald-headed then kick they butt for being bald, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers.

The East still recovering from the quake. Speaker John Boehner was so scared his facial color went from Sedona orange to light pumpkin.

The East is still recovering from their earth quake. In New York, that thing on Donald Trump's head is still under the bed hiding.

The hookers in Times Square were running an aftershock special.

The Washington monument cracked during the quake. They are going to try and seal it using Michele Bachmann's laser-beam eyes.

A Tennessee highway was closed after canisters of bull semen fell off a bus;

"OK, this I got to hear again. You're late for work why?"

That is bad news for Tennessee. The worse news? The canisters of bull semen were on their way to the Titan's training camp.

A Kentucky man who was suing his doctor for amputating his penis without permission, lost his case. His attorney even brought in three experts at amputating penises; Lorena Bobbitt, Tiger Woods's ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, and feminist attorney Gloria Allred

Lex's 11 Step Recipe For Grilling The Perfect Steak Updated:

Step One: Buy a thick prime Spencer cut rib-eye (preferably bone-in) from Tip Top Meat in Carlsbad or another top butcher.

Step two: marinate it in a ziplock bag with peanut oil with all the air pushed out for at least an hour.

Step three: make a rub of garlic powder, smoked paprika, salt, pepper and finely ground French roast coffee.

Step four: apply the rub and let the steak get to room temperature.

Step five: light the lump oak charcoal in the coal chimney lit with newspaper underneath. (This is when you play the grilling playlist on your outdoor speakers)

Step six: place the burning coals on one side of the Weber kettle.

Step seven: sear the steak one minute and 45 seconds on each side directly on the burning coals. By that I mean on the grate directly above the coals, not actually on the coals.

Step eight: remove the steaks and place them back on the cutting board, drizzle with the left-over peanut oil and add more salt.

Step nine: let the steak(s) rest for ten minutes. No less. More is fine.

Step ten: put the steaks back on the grill away from the coals at a 90 degree angle for cross marks. Cover lid with the holes open four minutes a side, total of eight minutes, grand total of, including searing, 11 1/2 minutes. (a little more for really thick, a little less for thinner) Do the push test, but DO NOT cut or poke with a fork. Total time, 21 1/2 minutes including resting after searing.

Step eleven: remove, add a little more salt and let the steak (s) rest for five minutes before cutting.

An entire ribeye is too much, so I slice each steak into thirds and arrange them on a decorative pewter platter. This way guests can pick how much steak they want and the doneness they prefer. Should be a pink and juicy medium rare. Garnish the steaks with chopped parsley.

If you prefer more done than medium rare, than nuke the sliced steaks for thirty seconds in the microwave, you no-taste-having, perfect-steak- ruining effing baboon.

Don't show me how strong you are, just serve with a potato dish of either tater tots or even french fries, both almost burnt, or my world famous roasted garlic and Parmesan cheese baked mash potatoes.

For a steak sauce I put a dab of horseradish sauce on the plate for light dipping. For the potatoes, ketchup. And red wine.

Snick, dap, bitty, bop, swap, bap, boo. Mmm, mmm, mmm