'Dis right here should be named Dewey

The sun may rise in the East, but at least it settles in its final location, it’s understood that Hollywood sells Californication, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Will and Jada Smith broke up? Hollywood is harder on marriages than getting caught naked picture texting.

Earthquake back East. It was shaking so hard in Washington, D.C., it knocked Marcus Bachmann on top of Michele Bachman.

That D.C. earthquake really scared the crap out of Nancy Pelosi. No, wait, that is how she always looks.

Northwestern study concludes some bi-sexual men really are attracted to both sexes. It is called “The Andy Dick Report.”



New rioting has broken out in Tripoli over the correct spelling of "Kill Gadhafi".


"It is to be starting with a Q."

"No, for the love of Allah, it starts with a K."

"And where the Satan's dogs do all the H's go?"


A radical Muslim threatened to cut off David Letterman's tongue. That's an improvement of a few years ago when he had an affair, his wife wanted to cut off something else.