I say we name this handsome gent Derby

*Step off wit’ yo’ good foot now, step off wit’ yo’ good foot now, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

During the NBA finals, the NBA ran a public service announcement using the word gay as bad is not cool; but, according to Kobe Bryant and Jaoqim Noah, a word that rhymes with bag is just hunky dory. NBA stands for Nobody Believing Announcements.

The Kardashians are writing a book. When asked what kind of book, Khloe said; “The kind that looks like a little box of chocolates, but instead of chocolates it has a bunch of those paper flippy thingies called pages.”

New York Rep. Anthony Weiner said he cannot say with certitude the picture of a male crotch sent to a college girl and posted on twitter was not of him. This Weiner guy may be the most appropriately named politician since Indianapolis mayor, Harry Baals.

New York Rep. Anthony Weiner said he cannot say with certitude the picture of a male crotch sent to a college girl on twitter was not him. Let’s recount the steps of stupidity of this aptly named Weiner dude. First, he wore tightie whities, second, he took a picture of himself in the tightie whities. Next, he thought he was sending the picture to a single college girl – and he’s married - on twitter, but instead he posted it to all of his 40,000 followers. Finally, he angrily told the press a hacker did it, now he is not denying the picture is of him.

Good thing he is not denying he took the picture, that would have to be some hacker who was able to sneak in and take a picture of Weiner’s, well, you know.

Shaquille O’Neal announced his retirement on Twitter. Technology has come a long way since Brett Favre announced his first retirement via Western Union telegraph.

New York Rep. Anthony Weiner said he cannot say with certitude the picture of a male crotch sent to a college girl and posted on twitter was not of him. Upon hearing this, Sarah Palin corrected; “When he said certitude, what he meant was positiviosity.”


It’s time to play another episode of

Four Heterophobic Gay Guys

Picture again, if you will, four very nattily attired fit, handsome-to-pretty gay men in their early thirties. They are lounging outside at a table of a chic upper West Side restaurant enjoying smart cocktails. And they love to heckle straight men as they walk by.

“Look at this ape. Hey, Arnold, shouldn’t you be impregnating a homely servant?”

“Yeah, are you the Terminal-ate-her – get it, like Terminator but . . .”

“We got it, Alphonse, talk to the hairy palm.”

“Check out, “Brokeback Mountain” in the jeans and boots, hey, did the Marlboro man go missing?”

“Yeah, Clint Leastwood, the Indigo Girls want their flannel shirt back.”

“Check out Mr. Businessman in the boring charcoal suit and red tie. Wall Street? More like Mall Street.”

“Hey Brooks, your brother called and he said you make Tim Pawlenty look sexy.”

“Wait, what? Tim Pawlenty is sexy.”

“Oh, get over yourself, Wallace, Tim Pawlenty is so “I stopped trying to find my wife’s g-spot.”

“Isn’t Tim Pawlenty a member of the tea bag party?”

(Giggles all around followed by awkward high fives)

“No way, Stefan, Pawlenty’s got that Marriot Hotel ball room, “I am going to start this meeting with a Power Point display” sexy thing happening.”

“Oh, oh, check out bowling shirt and cargo shorts man. Hey, Charlie, the Sheen is off you.”

“Two and a Half Men?” More like three quarters of a hot mess.” 


* When I took the subway to the World Trade Center, circa 1985, this is what one conductor would chant over the intercom when we pulled in and were about to unload. He would have everyone in the cars chant it with him. Such a simple gesture, but it made everyone’s day.