What's wrong with this picture? Easy. A dog would never cheat at poker. Especially a bulldog. Now the Australian Shepard? Maybe.

Lex’s poker story.

Like every other guy with a pair, I think I’m a pretty fair poker player. Played online, won more than I have lost.

So I get invited to a big shot poker players informal Texas Hold Em tournament on a house in Del Mar right on the beach. Most of the other players I know, they go to Vegas a lot, they have drunken card games after golf where thousands can change hands. They think they’re really good poker players.

And, I find out, there is a professional Del Mar racetrack bookie in the game. The guy was actually in a poker scene in “Rounders” with Matt Damon. He sat next to orange-holding-poker-champ, Johnny Chang, in a scene in an Atlantic City casino.

Nervous as hell, I call my poker expert pal and ask for a tip. I said;

“Look, I only have two goals, not to lose right away and not to look stupid.”

He gives me this great tip:

"Don’t keep looking at your two down cards. If you have good ones, you know it, if you keep looking, it looks like you’re too stupid to remember. Or you’re trying to manufacture a bad hand into a straight.”

So this game isn’t crazy, $50 to buy in, but I am excited. Texas hold ‘em, I am sure you know is two cards down and you make the best five cards out of the five on the table and the two in your hand with four bets along the way.

Get my down cards and I look at them quickly, per my instructions, and put them right back down. No need to keep look at them again. I have an awesome Ace and King of spades. On my way to a possible straight flush. So I bet fairly big.

Three card flop, two are spades. Nice. One more spade with two cards to go, and I have the highest spade flush you can have. I bet bigger.

The one-card turn is no help, two of clubs. But there are no pairs or possible straights up there, so I bet big again.

The final card, the river. Hold my breath. Lord behold, it is a spade. My heart goes wango, tango. Nobody can have a higher flush and there is nothing else out there. The most someone could have, besides a lower spade flush, is three of a kind. Me? Ace-King high spade flush.

I push all my chips out and go all in.

“Rounders” guy looks at me funny and says;

“I just don’t think you got it.” He pushes all in.

“OK,” I said, and I flipped my Ace and King of Spades to break his heart.

The King turned out to be a club.

Again, per my instructions, I had looked at it so fast, willed it to be a spade and I never checked again. My shock and disappointment were so obvious, I couldn't even pretend I was bluffing.

Achieved both of my goals in reverse: Made an utter fool out of myself and lost everything on the first hand.

"Rounders" won with a pair of sixes.