As the newly appointed head of snow clearance for the San Diego Chargers, I am proud to report we had this place as clean as a whistle by Thursday's game with 49ers.


Don we now our gay apparel, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Ukraine is opening the nuclear meltdown Chernobyl plant as a tourist spot; the locals are excited, they give it three thumbs up.

Hey, we Californians are experiencing some harsh weather as well. Last night it got so cold, I had to turn my ceiling fan off.

The Washington Redskins fired their field goal holder, Hunter Smith, because he dropped the extra point that cost them the game against Tampa Bay. To which the Carolina Panthers asked; “What’s an extra point?”

Ukraine is opening the nuclear meltdown Chernobyl plant as a tourist spot; it’s a big deal, you know what band is performing at the opening? Third Eye Blind.

The number one toy in Germany this holiday is a plastic dachshund that poops play dough. Although we cannot understand why German children like this, the popularity of a pooping toy dog does help explain why they love David Hasselhof’s singing.

Facebook inventor Mark Zuckerberg is Time’s person of the year. Great, now they’re going to have to find someone else to be on the cover of “Virgin Dork Billionaire” magazine.

Sadly, Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson are divorcing. The pressure of Ryan being “People” sexiest man alive was too much. Wear your Spider-Man underwear with holes and it’s “You’re the sexiest man alive?” Ask her to pull your finger and it’s “You’re the sexiest man alive?”

In Wisconsin, a 52-year-old mailman tried to cheer up a stressed-out 21-year-old woman by delivering the mail to her naked. He was later charged with lewd behavior. And I can say with almost no uncertainty, a naked 52-year-old man will only upset a 21-year-old woman.

Did you see John Boehner on “Sixty Minutes.”? He must not have heard: There’s no crying in legislating. There’s no crying in legislating. Ted Kennedy once called John Edwards a sleazy dirtbag. And did Edwards cry? No. Why? ‘Cause there’s no crying in legislating.

Oprah Winfrey told Barbara Walters she isn’t even kind of a lesbian. Oh come on, I’m kind of a lesbian, I camp, play softball, wear flannel shirts, bake bran muffins and go to Indigo Girls concerts. Wow, I guess I am a lot more than kind of a lesbian.

There’s a video on the Internet of Miley Cyrus taking a bong hit. Here we go, next are the reports of Miley clubbing all night, the requisite no-panties limo-exiting shot, a rehab stint, a relapse and then the “People” magazine article titled; “How I, Miley Cyrus, Cleaned Up.”

Since you asked:

Last night I grilled carne asada for soft tacos, drank an awesome Sierra Nevada Holiday beer and watched the Chargers on beautiful high def while speeding through the commercials.

My wife, Virginia, attended the game, for free, in a luxury box for a corporate party. Who had a better time?

Virg game home bemoaning the experience for the better part of a half an hour. The traffic jam to the stadium was three hours long. The traffic jam home was an hour and a half. And she didn't have to pay $30 for parking. The stadium was crowded, the food in the box was weak.

Exactly who the hell is going through this and paying a minimum of $100 per ticket. Not to mention $10 a beer.