These are what I went stand up paddle boarding with yesterday at Torrey Pines

Gettin' wit' it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


New York Giant Plaxico Burress was sentenced to two years for sneaking a firearm in a nightclub which discharged and shot his leg. Now don’t confuse what Burress did with what Brett Favre did by coming back, Burress shot his own leg, Favre shot his own legacy.

Heidi Montag, a Christian, said god wanted her to pose in “Playboy.” To which god replied, “OK, that’s it, I’ve had it with you idiots, you’re on your own from now on.”

In “Playboy” Heidi Montag said she has had 20-30 orgasms a day. She went on to add that her husband, Spencer Pratt, explained to her an orgasm is when you get one of those messages with words on your cell phone.

Bernie Madoff's swindled mistress wrote a tell-all book about the $50 billion embezzler. Not to go into indiscreet details, but let's just say Bernie's stock was sold very short.

Bernie Madoff'ss swindled mistress wrote a tell-all book about the $50 billion embezzler. Not to go into indiscreet details, but let's just say Bernie's portfolio was surprisingly small.

Bernie Madoff's swindled mistress wrote a tell-all book about the $50 billion embezzler. Bernie wasn't just a regular jerk, apparently Bernie really put the douche in fiduciary.

Bernie Madoff'ss swindled mistress wrote a tell-all book about the $50 billion embezzler which, among other things, described Bernie's sexual short comings. If Bernie and Ruth aren't careful things could get a little embarrassing.

President Barack Obama had to have two separate meetings for Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton. Although Hillary is glad Bill extracted the two US women journalists from North Korea, she is upset about his extracting the two waitresses from Hooters.

Bernie Madoff'ss swindled mistress wrote a tell-all book describing Bernie's sexual short comings. Call a guy a widow and orphan thief? So what? Accuse him of stealing from children cancer research? Big deal? Call him an adulterer? Who cares? Say he has a little penis? It is go time.