We all kinds of slappy, tappy and happy, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


For the first time in years, they are going to open the crown of the Statue of Liberty to all visitors. All except the New York Knicks, they are so bad they can't get inside anyone's head.

It will be the first time in years more voices will be heard in the Statue of Liberty's head than in Manny Rameriz's head.

How about that NBA Laker celebration in Orlando? I've seen more emotion at insurance seminars.

The Chicago Cubs host the White Sox at Wrigley Field. This is a friendly rivalry in the same way Bernie Madoff's clients are a little disappointed in their investment's returns.

There is Gwen Stafani (No Doubt) Kobe Bryant is a great, great player. But did you notice when they handed Bryant the NBA trophy, everyone around him looked like the unwilling guests at the rich brat's birthday party? "Eww, his nibs got another expensive toy, oh goody."


Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were on "The Today Show." The segment was titled "Why the rest of the world hates us." The press combines their first names to form Speidi. Why? It is more accurate to combine their last names, Pratt-Montag, and make Rat Poontang . . . OK, so it almost does.

Since you asked:

There is Gwen Stafani (No Doubt) in my mind that, as an old school midwestern class act and father, David Letterman, feels genuine remorse that Todd and Sarah Palin and their supporters are hurt and upset over the joke Letterman made about the Palin daughter getting pregnant at the Yankee game.

But there is also no doubt that, in order to be offended at the joke, you either have to be too stupid to understand Letterman meant the 18-year-old mother, Bristol, and not the 14-year-old, Willow. That or the Palin's are simply using this unfortunate case of mistaken identity as an opportunity - at their own daughter's expense - to garner free publicity.

Either way, there is nothing to apologize for. Letterman says it was the difference of intent versus perception. Well, the lack of perception on the Palin's part -or far worse, their attempts to manufacture false outrage for free publicity - is not Letterman's fault. Letterman can't help it if they are stupid and or greedy for attention.

Either way we need to get back to what is important: humiliating those idiots Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.

There was a brief time, right after her speech at the Republican convention, when I was a big fan of Sarah Palin. As a devout undeclared, I wanted to see a tight election race and it seemed John McCain was almost headed for trouble.

It seemed to me Palin was a much more digestible choice for women who were not staunch far left Hillary lovers, which is most women.

But incident after incident slowly revealed Palin to be wildly under-qualified. She is all flash and appearance because there simply is nothing else there. All Tina Fey did was practically repeat word for word Palin's interview with Katie Couric and it was hilarious and sad at the same time.

Gwen Stefani about it (Oh, would you stop with that lame Gwen Stefani substitution for no doubt? It is never going to catch on) the election was over the split second Tina Fey said;

"I can see Russia from my house."

Her later appearance on "SNL" aside, remember Palin didn't appreciate that joke either.