Thursday, June 18, 2009

Let's give a shout out to all the people who don't use the term shout out, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

60-year-old Billy Joel is getting a divorce from his 27-year-old wife, Katie Lee Joel. It's tough when a guy who would be as old as their age difference is still too old for her.

It's sad because he wrote a song for her:

"Don't go changin' my diaper to try and please me."

At the parade for the NBA Champion Los Angeles Lakers, Kobe Bryant led the crowd in a chant for a ring. It was almost as loud as the chant for a ring his wife Venessa started six years ago.

Shout out to Janice Hough for this story:

President Barack Obama gave a 56 minute speech to the American Medical Association. It is his longest speech to date. Are you kidding? Joe Biden can do 56 minutes standing on his hair plugs. Joe Biden can do 56 minutes just on teeth whiteners and self tanning. Joe Biden can do 56 minutes on talking for 56 minutes.

Joe Biden once did 56 minutes just introducing the guy who was supposed to speak.

During a White House interview, President Barack Obama swatted a fly and PETA objected. Does PETA still stand for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals or does it now stand for Protesting Everything That's Annoying?

In an interview seen on TMZ, Paris Hilton said she is tired because she works too much. Paris, sweety, just because you've decided to start charging guys to do you, it doesn't really qualify as work.

In Alaska, a 6-year-old girl caught a 138 pound halibut. And she got to keep it because, sadly, the fish died of humiliation.

In Alaska, a 6-year-old girl caught a 138 pound halibut. I'm warning you right now, David Letterman, don't even think about making a joke about that Alaskan girl or Sarah Palin will hunt you down like a moose.

A California restuarant held an eating contest that featured a five pound burrito. The real loser? The plumber the winner will have to call.

In an interview with David Letterman, actor Ryan Reynolds admitted his hobby is tending bees. The guy is married to Scarlet Johansson and he spends his time actually making honey when he could be figuratively making honey with Scarlet. And Hollywood wonders why we hate them.

There is a poorly kept NBA secret tradition that the players at the victory parade are all horribly hungover. And I think it's true, Kobe Bryant was still so drunk he gave a $4 million diamond ring to his wife Venessa for the hosing he gave the Orlando Magic.

Sunday is Father's Day and I am warning you, Letterman, don't even think about doing a Palin daughter joke.

Critics say Bruce Springsteen's "Living in the Future" is a case of self-plagiarism of "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out." Hey, self-plagiarism is serious, it killed David Carradine.

This has not been my week. I decided to follow Paris Hilton on Twitter? Now my Twitter has a nasty S.T.D.

Since you asked:

No lie, not that I am proud of it, but I did try to follow Paris Hilton on Twitter. Five minutes and I had to remove her. She makes so many freaking posts it is mind-blowing, but the last one that lectured me to do more for the refugees in Africa was the last straw. What a self-important moron.

Is it just me or does Bruce Springsteen look like an older brother of Adam Sandler doing a killer Bruce Springsteen imitation?

Killer grilling tip:

For the better cuts of steak - top sirloin up to fillet mignon and T-Bones - I got a great way to grill them. Use on old school Weber kettle grill and heat up mesquite lump charcoal in your trusty chimney lighter. While that is lighting, pour olive oil over the steaks on both sides and let them rest up to room temp.

When the coals are ready, pour them out in a pile against one wall. Salt the steaks liberally with sea salt and put the steaks on the grate at the other end of the Weber away from the coals. Leave the top off but handy. Go inside and crush about six or more garlic cloves in a bowl and add a dash of water to make it look like a paste.

After about ten minutes per side - the steaks take longer using this "Argentinian style" of slower cooking them over indirect heat - throw the garlic paste right on the fire, immediately place the steaks right over the coals and cover the top of the Weber with the holes open. After a few minutes, flip the steaks. Add olive oil and salt again and let them rest under tent of tin foil. The garlic smoke will mix with the mesquite and the steaks will be unbelievably juicy and tasty.

Often I will saute garlic and finely chopped onions, add a cup of red wine a big dollop of Worcestershire and ketchup and garlic powder and reduce to half for a steak sauce.

Big glass of red wine, mixed salad, Cubs game and there you go.

Remember, do not throw the garlic paste on the steaks, throw them on the coals. Once some got on a steak and the garlic burned brown and bitter tasting.

Seriously, if you want to pay me for this stuff, I will let you.