My best friend he shoots water rats and feeds them to his geese, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How rainy was it?
It was raining so hard in Hollywood people agreed to work with Christian Bale just to get out of the rain.

A-Fraud
“Sports Illustrated” says Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003. Not only that, while dating Madonna, A-Rod tested positive for Malox.

Good for Midge
Tabloids report 50-year-old Madonna is dating a 22-year-old Brazilian model. It’s cute, she’s teaching him Math. Specifically how many times 22 goes into 50.

Tabloids report 50-year-old Madonna is dating a 22-year-old Brazilian model. It’s cute, she’s teaching him English. Specifically how to say; “Who’s your Daddy, bitch?”

Lighten up, guys
Due to the slow economy, sperm donations for $50 are way up. Guys, you may be donating too much sperm if you now refer to your junk as the ol’ ATM.

Good for her
A 56-year-old woman, Jennifer Figge, braved 30 foot seas and freezing temperatures to became the first woman to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. It just goes to show you, 56 is the new “Are you out of your freaking mind?”

Oui kid
A 56-year-old woman, Jennifer Figge became the first woman to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. The first male to swim the Atlantic was French, Benoit Lecompte. But the Frenchman cheated, his coach was in a boat with a megaphone telling him the German Navy was catching them.

D-U-M-B
The NBA announced they are adding the old hoops game of “H-O-R-S-E” to their All Star weekend, except instead of Horse it will be G-I-E-C-O. A publicity stunt so stupid a caveman could have done it.

And besides them
Jessica Simpson is still dating the Dallas Cowboy QB Tony Romo. But there are rumors of weepy emotional outbursts, poor physical shape, depression and listlessness. And besides the Cowboys, Jessica isn’t doing so hot either.

Jessica Simpson is getting a hard time because her figure appears noticeably fuller. When asked if she was more corpulent, Jessica said “No, I never joined the Army.”


I like “Sully”
Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger was on “Sixty Minutes.” I like “Sully”, he reminds me of a guy walking his two yellow labs, Skipper and Cappy.

Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger was on “Sixty Minutes.” I like “Sully”, he reminds me of a guy at a Christmas party standing by the fire drinking eggnog in his red reindeer vest.

Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger was on “Sixty Minutes.” I like “Sully”, he reminds me of a yachtsman who uses nautical terms like “I like the cut of his jib” and “Stow your diddy bag.”

Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger was on “Sixty Minutes.” I like “Sully”, he reminds me of the guy who likes to walk down to the drug store to get the paper.

Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger was on “Sixty Minutes.” I like “Sully”, he reminds me of a guy who calls kids tiger a lot.

I like “Sully”, he reminds me of a guy who still uses the term trousers for pants.

How bad is it?
The economy is so bad, Michael Phelps had to sell his Lava lamp on eBay.

Since you asked;

Saw the wildly popular Taylor Swift on the Grammys and here is my question:

Why?

Pretty girl, OK voice, plays the guitar, but can’t you throw a rock at an “American Idol” tryout and hit someone as or more talented?

Did you see the Buick Open at Torrey Pines? Down below is my surfing spot, Slats and Nugs. Oh yeah, buhhhhhhhbeeeeeee. We gonna rock that socket and put it in the pocket.

Got no idea what that means . . . .