It is on now like it is on when it is on and on and on, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

How hot is it?
Man it was hot. I was sweating like Miss Teen South Carolina on “Jeopardy.”

Man it is hot. I am sweating like Idaho Senator Larry Craig when they told him they’re reviewing the tapes from airport men’s room camera.

What are we gonna do now?
Man, Alberto Gonzales resigned, Carl Rove resigned. With all of these men leaving the White House we hardly stand a chance of ever getting a guy on Condoleezza Rice.

Not good
A survey shows 31 U.S. states showed an increase in obesity rates last year. The other 19 states were too busy ordering take out from McDonalds to take the survey.

Sure, buddy
After being arrested for lewd behavior in an airport men’s bathroom, Idaho Senator Larry Craig held press conference to announce he is not gay. Even reverend Ted Haggard said; “Yeah, right, Pal.”

Well, sure, that makes sense
The good news is that Bo Diddley is stable in a Florida hospital after suffering a heart attack. How did Diddley have a heart attack? Exercising. He was doing Diddley squats.

Maybe too much information
More information is coming out about Idaho Republican Larry Craig’s arrest for lewd behavior in an airport men’s room. Apparently when they arrested Craig he yelled; “Hey, it’s mine and I can shake it as much as I want to.”

Idaho Senator Larry Craig was arrested for lewd behavior in an airport men’s room. In fact, it is the most disgusting thing to happen in a men’s bathroom since a guy had to follow Larry the Cable Guy into a stall after a chili cook off.

Idaho Senator Larry Craig was arrested for lewd behavior in an airport men’s room. Craig has been rumored to be involved with young congressional male pages for years. In fact, Craig has devoured more pages than when Michael Vick’s dog ate his play book.

Get it? Idaho?
More information is coming out about Idaho Republican Larry Craig’s arrest for lewd behavior in an airport men’s room. Apparently police were alerted when they heard the Idaho Senator shout, “Who ‘da ‘ho? I ‘da ho. That’s right, I ‘da ‘ho.”

Miss Genius
Miss Teen South Carolina, Lauren Caitlin Upton, gave a hilariously stupid answer to a question about maps. Here is my question: the girl is from South Carolina. Shouldn’t she have a southern accent? Why does she sound like she’s been eating off Paris Hilton’s plate? “Maps are like hot.”

Oh, Lex, did you have to go there?
At the World Championship, Russia’s Yelena Isinbaeva won the women’s pole vault at 15ft, nine inches. Isinbaeva’s talent lies in that she is fast and strong and can handle a bigger pole than her competitors. In fact, the only woman who can handle a bigger pole is, well, Pamela Anderson.