Happy Presidents Day. A word of warning to women in bars near Bill Clinton’s Chappaqua New York home: President’s day does not mean you are legally required to sleep with an ex-president.

Well, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers, it turns out the French Judge had a few excuses for voting for the Russian pair.

A) Apparently she couldn’t concentrate because she couldn’t stop fantasizing about that little sex monkey Scott Hamilton.

B) That Russian guy reminded her of a young Jerry Lewis.

and

C) The U.S. was out of it; the Canadians were as close as she could get to being rude to Americans.