Tuesday, January 29, 2013

We rockem’ and sockem’ them robots up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A Wisconsin survey reveals 81% of people lie about their online dating information; and some of them are not even subtle about it. One guy’s user name is “Killed bin Laden.”

The Farmer’s Open at Torrey Pines was delayed due to fog. It was so foggy, Tiger Woods accidentally hit on his ex-wife.

The Farmer’s Open at Torrey Pines was delayed due to fog. The big controversy in golf is they are thinking of outlawing long belly putters. And they say golf is boring.

Sarah Palin announced she was leaving Fox News, it turns out she was fired. The first sign you may have an ego problem is when you can’t get along with Fox News. That is like being fired from al Qaida for being too argumentative. 

This means Sarah Palin has been dumped by Fox News, the Republican party and reality TV. That is the “Wow, am I a horse’s ass ” trifecta.

Even Kim Kardashian can’t get fired from reality TV.

It happened again, this time in New Jersey, a 28-year-old female teacher is accused of having sex with her 16-year-old male student. She was an algebra teacher. She claims she was just teaching him how to factor her polynomial.

Instagram is updating its service. They predict in the future you will be able to make your sexy bathroom self portraits 30% less douche’y.

The NFL Pro Bowl was played Sunday in Hawaii; none of the players playing in the Super Bowl can play. Most of the top players opt out due to injury. That makes the Pro Bowl the most useless thing in sports not named the Los Angeles Lakers.

Tiger Woods won the Farmers Open. Which is odd because the closest Tiger has come to being a farmer is when he plowed a stripper named Meadow.