We got the fog on our dog up in this wog, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Two New Jersey men are suing Subway Sandwiches because their foot-long sandwich was only 11 inches. Next they are going to sue Skippy because there is no butter in peanut butter.

The Super Bowl will be a close game with most experts confused as to who will win.  Fox analyst Terry Bradshaw is still trying to figure out the amazing coincidence that the two Super Bowl coaches have the same last name. Same spelling and everything.

Peter Robbins, 57, who was the voice of Charlie Brown, was arraigned on 12 felony counts of stalking. Not only that, Lucy and Schroeder got divorced and then Schroeder came out of the closet.

Al Qaida’s #2 man, Saeed al-Shihri, was killed in a drone attack in Yemen. Asked to comment on his promotion to #2, the #3 guy said; “Oh, hell no.”

During his imaginary girlfriend interview, Katie Couric asked Manti Te’o if he was gay. Manti said he was not gay. Of course he’s not gay, if he was gay he would have come up with a much more creative story.

Texas may require strippers to get a license. So, until they get a license, their title of stripper is only titular. 

Since you asked:

Today’s baseball players should take a note on the glowing tributes to the late Stan Musial. Yes, he had mind-boggling numbers - in 1948 he hit .376, had 39 homers and drove in 131 runs – but for every hit or homer there are more stories of his kindness to people and teammates and loyalty to his team, family and wife.

How about this? Stan the man loved to sign autographs. He felt it was an honor to be asked and put shy fans at ease with his jokes and politeness. Got the honor of shaking his hand at the Louisville Slugger Museum Opening Ceremony.

Let’s give you an example of the difference between a Stan Musial and Pete Rose. Like all the great baseball players, Rose was invited to attend the Slugger museum opening. Nobody, including Ted Williams or Stan Musial would be paid a dime. Rose accepted and then, when he found out he would not get an appearance fee, simply did not show up. Not one word from him he was cancelling. They could have given the airline ticket and hotel room to someone else.

Same reason Bonds, McGwire and Sosa did not attend. 

Classless.

Musial showed up, was charming and closed the ceremony with a kick-ass rendition of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” on his harmonica. 

Musial was a man who knew without being told that it went without saying he was a role model for his team, his city and his sport. He didn’t whine about it, he embraced it.

Of the people I met at the Museum opening of course Ernie Banks made the biggest impact because he was my childhood baseball idol. And he was a great guy.

But the two guys who really impressed me just by their class and charisma were hockey great Mark Messier and Stan the man. Though funny and charming, Messier was a steely-eyed warrior who you just know would lead you to victory in battle.

Musial was an old school gentleman. He had a warm smile and a firm handshake for anyone who wanted it. The man glowed.

When Jose Conseco, Barry Bonds Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa are gone, their legacy will be a punch line to a bad joke about juicing, cheating, lying and rude selfishness. Do they belong in the Hall of Fame? They sure do. The comedy Hall of Fame.

Note on the fog at Torrey Pines. A few times I was out surfing when the fog came in. You want disconcerting? Try being out paddling on the ocean and not being able to see the shore? The only way I knew where to go was by listening to the crashing surf.

They couldn’t play golf because they couldn’t see where their golf ball landed? When I play a round, I can count the number of times I can see where my balls lands on one hand.

Whimps.