Monday, March 03, 2008

Slice it, dice it and thrice it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

That will do it
Fox is debuting “New Amsterdam” about a New York detective who is immortal. Immortal, really? Put that show over on NBC prime time, that will kill him.

Had to be them
In Philadelphia, twin gay porn actors were arrested for a string of 30 robberies. Police became suspicious the robberies were done by twin gay guys because they stole two of everything from Pier One, Ikea and the Pottery Barn.

In Philadelphia, twin gay born actors were arrested for a string of 30 robberies. The twin gay male porn actors brought a creepy meaning to the Philadelphia motto: The city of brotherly love.

Viva la difference
French President Nicolas Sarkozy announced a renegotiation of all French military accords with African nations. For example, now instead of giving Africa no military support, the French will give Africa non military support.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy announced a renegotiation of all French military accords with African nations. Wait, do mean to tell me the French are backing down from supplying military support? Why, who has ever heard of such a thing?

Of course the French aren’t going to give military support to Africa, they can’t provide military support to themselves.

That explains it
Hillary Clinton’s campaign leaked a picture of Barack Obama in Kenya in Somalian garb including a turban; Barack was just preparing for the dress code at the Mombassa "Thank Allah It's Friday" No toga, no turban, no service

While at the Kenyan “Thank Allah It’s Friday” Barack enjoyed the fried Jihad goat sticks.

That sounds about right
Idaho Senator Larry Craig announced he is accepting applications for summer interns. (I bet he is) When asked what his position is on training clerks, Craig replied he has a wide stance on that position.

Good luck
To clear the pollution from the air with rain for the Olympics, the Chinese claim they will try and control the weather. Control the weather? They can’t control the lead from going into their toys.

That, also, sounds about right
Air New Zealand is offering an all gay themed flight from San Francisco to Australia. Their motto is “Fly the Fiercely Friendly Skies.”

The all-gay-flight features the world’s only straight male flight attendant and there is a prize for the passenger who converts him before they land.

This flight offers an entirely new meaning to the term cockpit.

Since you asked:

Saw “Gettysburg” with Martin Sheen and Tom Berenger and it was better than I thought. First of all, the mustaches and beards are hysterical. Oh my word, what they put on the guy who played Jeb Stewart was more mammal than facial hair. That had to be a practical joke played on that poor actor by hair and makeup.

Secondly, it really struck me how history has a way of making itself. Take the Super Bowl, not that I am comparing war with football, but, sports gives us the ability of knowing what time a big event is happening and where, unlike real history like big battles.

But until the Giants staged that comeback, the Super Bowl did not have the smell or feel or something historic or memorable. And then, all of a sudden, it was a classic. A magic moment.

Well Gettysburg for the people who were there was going to just be another battle. Sure they knew it was going to be big and tough but, for the soldiers, just another day at the office. For us, the word Gettysburg is iconic, but the people there it was a small spot on a map.

If the battle had taken place in Beaver Falls it would have been the punch line to dirty jokes.

And although Hollywood always plays up the moment of gallant hand to hand, horse to horse, saber to saber fighting, Historians say that, relatively speaking, there is scant chance for that. It is mostly hunkering down and hope a canon shot or a musket bullet doesn’t find you and then going back to your tents at the end of the day if you are still alive.

The other fact I picked up on is that General Robert E. Lee was a great, great man, but not a very good general. That was sort of a surprise to me.

The biggest cause of casualties in the Civil War were due to infections, and starvation and diseases. Not very gallant.

My daughter, Ann Caroline, saw the beginning non-fighting part of the movie and she asked me;

“Daddy, why are there wars?”

The answer I gave was very perfunctory about how when two sides, usually countries, can’t reach an agreement – usually over land – war is their last threat. And if neither side is smart enough nor sensible enough to come to an agreement, they fight each other.

“How do you know who wins?” She asked.

“One side has to surrender. It’s not like soccer where you keep score.”

What I was thinking is that war is what is declared by old, egotistical a-holes who don’t have to risk their lives in battle.

It was true at Gettysburg, it is true now.