Thursday, November 16, 2006

What do they do to it when they do it to it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to hang before the end of the year. It was a little awkward, when informed Hussein would hang by the end of the annum, Bush said; “And I thought hanging by the neck would hurt.”

Shaken, not diddied
Sean “P Diddy” Combs said he wants to star in a James Bond movie. I think the working title is “Live and Let Diddy.”

That or the title will be “Thunderdiddy.”

Rap mogul Sean “P. Diddy” “Puff Daddy” Combs claims, through Tantric techniques, he had sex with his girlfriend for 28 hours. You can tell he isn’t married. No way he makes it 28 hours, he would be worn out by all the begging and apologizing.

Not to go into too much detail, but in order for Puff Daddy or P. Diddy to have sex for 28 hours it would require a lot of puffing on his diddy.

In fact, do you know what a married guy calls having sex for 28 hours? Yeah, I don’t know either.

Kevin Federline was very impressed when he heard P. Diddy had sex for 28 hours. His only question was how many video tapes did that take?

Not since then
Las Vegas Hotel Mogul Steve Wynn accidentally poked his elbow through his $139 million Picasso painting. That is the most money any man has lost with one poke since J. Howard Marshall married Anna Nicole Smith.

A history lesson
Rumor has it that Fidel Castro is dying and his net worth is $900 million dollars. As a result, Anna Nicole Smith is readying her very own version of the Bay of Pigs invasion.

Get it?
In addition to Greg Norman Estates Wines, many pro golfers own wineries. Arnold Palmer, Ernie Els and David Frost also have their own wine labels. Not only that, golfer John Daly’s four ex-wives all have their own wine. It goes like this: “But I don’t want to sign the prenuptial agreement, waah.”

Wal Mart is coming out with their own wine. The Wal Mart wine is available in both red and white. That’s red as in neck and white as in trash.

The new Wal Mart wine is said to subtle yet austere, bold yet palatable with just a hint of playful insouciance and a whole lot get yer keester all drunked up and such like.

Who knew?
In Hawaii, a woman, who was born male, but who had a sex change operation, won a statewide election. Ironically she led all the polls.

Thank you
Beyonce and Eva Longoria are going to co-star in a movie as lesbian lovers; it’s called “There is a God and He Loves Us.”

Beyonce and Eva Longoria are going to co-star in a movie as lesbian lovers; for us guys this movie is known as “Broke-elbow Mountain.”