Today is National Honesty Day. Nope, sorry, I'm lying, it was yesterday.

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Just cranked up my time machine to look at the joke Dennis Miller threatened to write about Michelle Wolf on Wednesday, and it is good, folks. Ready?

"That's what she said."


1988 Dennis Miller on 2018 Dennis Miller:

"Listen, Cha-Cha, threatening to extrapolate bon-mot banalities at Michelle Wolf just to pander to tongue-douching Trump's tushy portending offended political existential angst is so transparently Machiavellian it’s moribund, n'est pas? Screw it. Who wants pie?"


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A Missouri woman arrested for heroin was found with a pistol in her vagina. In this scenario, the gun is the second scariest part of the story.

In a related story, there is a new country song called "Packing Heat in the Who-Ha."


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A 20-year-old Colorado man has been bitten by a rattlesnake, a bear and a shark. My advice to him is to avoid the Westminster Dog Show at all costs.



Since you asked:

Was Dennis Miller's lone defender in his national embarrassing stint on "Monday Night Football" when he had one good joke about no such thing as minor groin surgery. After that, Miller was like listening to an old man's nose whistle while he ate a sandwich.

A wise man told me a comedian turns into a humorist, then a pundit, then a satirist then into unemployment.