It rained so hard in Los Angeles,  Hillary Clinton had to put on her wet suit pants suit, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers 

A judge has ordered a woman who stalked Chris Brown to undergo psychiatric evaluation. Not because she is a stalker, but because she chose to stalk Chris Brown. 

A gun-loving Florida mom, who was shot in the back while driving by her 4-year-old, will not face criminal charges. That would be a bad day. Shot in the back by your small child and then arrested for it.

Rob Kardashian’s girlfriend, Blac Chyna is pregnant.It was an awkward moment when they told Rob Blac Chyna was pregnant. He said, “Blac Chyna? I thought she was Nicki Minaj.” 

To honor Cinco De Mayo, Donald Trump tweeted a picture of him eating a taco salad. That’s like an some Hispanic jerk honoring the Fourth of July by eating corn dog with mayonnaise on it. 

The FBI grilled Hillary Clinton aide, Huma Abedin, about Hillary’s emails. So if they are grilling Huma, who’s married to Anthony Weiner, does that make it a Weiner roast?

E-cigarettes face new regulations. For example, if a hipster tries to buy E-cigarettes and he has a man-bun and a neck beard, he may be considered too much of a tool to buy one. 

The British polar exploring ship will not be named after the Internet poll winner, Boaty McBoatface, it will be the RRS Sir David Attenborough. “Not fair,” said first Internet named person, Douchey McDoucheface.

Since you asked:

Despite being the online poll winner, the British polar exploring ship will not be named Boaty McBoatface, it will be the RRS Sir David Attenborough after the great TV scientist. But Boaty McBoatface will be the name of their unmanned submarine. (And fired will be the guy who thought of the online poll naming)

They had an implacable reason for not naming it Boaty McBoatface. God forbid there is a tragedy at sea, how would you like to inform someone their loved one died on Boaty McBoatface?

Well done, Brits, well done. Good story. Good follow up.  

So you brought up the Chicago Cubs, let’s talk about them. 

This is historic stuff. On course for something silly like 120 wins. Of course that isn’t going to last. 22-6 .786%. Anthony Rizzo, aka Rizz-Bone - the guy who spends more time in children’s hospitals than most pediatricians - has 28 RBI’s in early May. 

Just watched them make silly bitches out of two damn good teams, the Pie-Rats and the Walgreens. (Nationals, you cannot tell me that is not the same W symbol) 

Guys I have never heard of are crushing the ball namely Ben Zobrist (who?) and Tommy Le Stella. Have not had enough time to come up with nicknames for those two. (My only problem with La Stella is his walk-up song is “What a Night” by The Four Seasons. Was “Brandy" (You’re a fine girl) by Looking Glass taken?)

And the manager, Joe "Mad-Dog" Maddon is my main man. 

My friends of years, friends of tears, the steaks at Morton’s are extra juicy, the deep dish pizza at Giordano’s is extra gooey, and the Old Style draft beers at dah Taverns Nort of dah Loop are extra cold and crisp. 

It is a good time to be a Chicago Cubs fan.