It is high school prom time. Guys, go ask your date to go before all the hot teachers are taken. 

In Canada, 88,000 people from Fort McMurray had to evacuate due to wildfires. No word on when Americans will be allowed to relocate there if Trump is elected president. 

John Kasich has bowed out of the race. Even  did not think he stood a chance and he still believes in the Easter Bunny. 

In Brazil they’re building an adult, sex theme park called Erotika Land. They have a ride called “The G Spot,” but guys can’t find it. 

In Pennsylvania, a 100-year-old woman broke her age group record for the 100 meter dash. Although in her case it is the 100 meter meander. 

Donald Trump secured a huge win in Indiana. The election victory was embarrassing. People kept trying to give Trump a high-five, but they keep missing his tiny little hands. 

In Indiana, after conceding, Ted Cruz elbowed his wife, Heidi in the face. His running mate, Carly Fiorina fell off the stage. Cruz has hurt more people on stage than Siegfried and Roy’s white tiger.