Stir it up, little darling, stir it up, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers



Donald Trump continues to lose delegates to Ted Cruz because he does not understand how the delegate system works. Trump blames the RNC which is like dropping a ball in the outfield and blaming the umpires. 

The Boston Marathon was swept by three Ethiopians. “This is a shocking, shocking upset,” said three Kenyans. 




At an event in Buffalo, Bills coach, Rex Ryan, will introduce Donald Trump. One is a loud, obnoxious, egomaniacal attention whore and the other one is, actually they both are. 

They're holding the event outdoors so the venue can accommodate both Ryan and Trump's egos. 

John Legend and Chrissy Teigen had a baby girl named Luna. No word yet on when the child will begin therapy for thinking she’s a disappointment. 




It rained so hard in Houston, the 5-8 Houston Astros had a game rained out and still somehow lost it. 

A video shows the younger Boston bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, calmly shopping for milk 23 minutes after the attack. Hope he got the kind of milk that has Preparation H in it, because he’ll need it in prison right up until his death sentence. 

The video clearly shows Tsarnaev is insane. He was shopping at Whole Foods and he isn't rich.