Trader Joe’s is no longer the top rated grocery store. “So the top one now is Whole Foods, right?” Asked the richest and whitest people in the history of the US. 

The Chicago Cubs are in first place. I’ll also take “Trump is being so modest,” and “The Kardashians are so classy,” as the three sentences you hardly ever get to say. 

A photographer claims he caught two male African lions engaging in homosexual behavior. Prior to this there were only three known gay male lions: the Hanna-Barbera cartoon lion Snagglepuss, Scar from “Lion King.” and the Cowardly Lion from “The Wizard of OZ.”

A photographer claims he caught two male African lions engaging in homosexual behavior. Apparently they were viciously gossiping about their so-called friend, Terrance. 

A “Washington Post” study claims 20% of lawyers have a serious drinking problem. Why is anyone surprised? These are people who have to take a bar exam. 

Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, was asked about quantum computing and answered it impeccably. When Donald Trump was asked about quantum computing, he said, “Never heard of that company, Quantum. They’re losers.” 

A “Washington Post study claims 20% of lawyers have a serious drinking problem. In a related story, the “Washington Post” has just been sued for slander by 100 drunk lawyers.

Due to the earthquakes in Asia and Ecuador, scientists are saying we may be facing a giant mega-quake. Because global warming, terrorism and possibly legally insane presidential candidates don’t give us enough to worry about.