Thursday, December 17, 2015

In the latest “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” Kris, Kylie and Khloe go on vacation in St. Barts to get away from their problems of being rich for no reason. And they fight the entire time. This episode is called; “Why People Want to Kill Americans.” 

“Star Wars: The Force Awakens” opens Friday. What is sad are all the unreturned calls to Disney from Jar Jar Binks asking for tickets.

In North Carolina, a 34-year-old mother tried to shoplift a tube of cookie dough in her vagina but it exploded. Upon hearing this, Florida said; “Oh, man, we are so jealous.” 

A Saudi millionaire, Ehsan Abdulaziz, was cleared of raping an 18-year-old girl claiming he tripped and fell on her accidentally penetrating her. Their defense was: 

“If he trips and it fits, you must acquit.” 

President Obama met with counterterrorism experts and said there are no known potential terrorist attacks. If you do not count Justin Bieber’s upcoming album.

In Florida, a 98-year-old man shot a hole-in-one. When asked to comment what it was like to hit a hole-in-one at 98, the man said; “The nurses are stealing my underwear.”