Here’s my take on Brian Williams: If they fired all the reporters who lied about a story, the news on TV would be a test pattern.

My phone wasn’t charged. Did I hear Brian Williams isn’t doing the news because he could not activate his glutes? That doesn’t sound right.

Now there is a report the Indianapolis Colts deflated the New England Patriot’s footballs. Oh thank goodness, because I was terrified we wouldn’t hear more about deflated balls.

Tiger Woods dropped out of the Farmers Open because he said his glutes wouldn’t activate. If this is a ploy to get Metamucil as a sponsor I am going to be pissed.

In sad news, Bruce Jenner is OK, but TMZ reported he was involved in a fatal three-car crash in Malibu. Jenner claims he was being chased by paparazzi. Gosh, I wonder how TMZ got there so fast?

Tiger Woods dropped out of the Farmers Open because he said his glutes wouldn’t activate. Did he try having someone pull his finger?

Mitt Romney is not going to run in 2016. He got the idea from Pete Carroll.

The movie “50 Shades of Grey” has 20 minutes of sex scenes. Or as guys call that: 18 minutes too many.

Brian Williams continues to get a lot of criticism about fibbing about being shot down. And he should, I’ve said it a billion times: do not exaggerate.

The movie “50 Shades of Grey” is out. Or as guys call it: stuff women wouldn’t let us do.

I don’t want to say things are rough for Brian Williams, but to get better publicity, he is going to announce he is transitioning to become a woman.

Bruce Jenner’s background as a gold medal Decathlete his helping his transition to become a woman. Today he knocked four women out of his way at a shoe sale.

To speed up Bruce Jenner’s transition to become a woman, Jenner’s doctor prescribed he binge-watch “A Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce.”

There is a porn version of “American Idol,” contestants try out for roles in adult films. It’s called; “Why didn’t I think of that when I was single?”