Monday, January 26, 2015

Sunday was the NFL Pro Bowl. The Super Bowl players are not in it. Neither are injured or free agents. So the Pro Bowl is the NFL equivalent of jury duty. Only the people who couldn’t get out of it are in it.

The NFL told Seattle Seahawk’s, Marshawn Lynch, his team will be penalized if he grabs his crotch again after a touchdown. Unlike the Patriots, at least Lynch confesses to handling his balls.

Sunday was the NFL Pro Bowl. I’ve seen more physical contact at a Kardashian family reunion.

Sarah Palin says she is seriously considering running for president in 2016. Palin feels something has to be done to stop those dang militants from that country of ISIS.

US citizens can now travel to Cuba, but I think Cuba’s tourism slogans can use some work:

“Cuba, yes, we have squalor, but it’s easy on your dollar.”

“Cuba. Come for the poverty, stay for the oppression.”

“Cuba. The Russians told us Communism was a rum. We didn’t know.”

“Cuba. When you’re here, you’re aqui.”

“Cuba. Keeping Clinton in cigars since 1990.”

Just saw parts of the Pro Bowl. 

My word, what a P.R. catastrophe. At least the Puppy Bowl, and the Lingerie Bowl and the Bud Bowl are supposed to be jokes. Even the WWE lets its fans in on the fact the matches are scripted.

Poor ESPN’s Chris Berman was in physical pain trying muster up the energy to shill a hoax like that game.

The worst part about the Pro Bowl is that it clearly showed how much contempt the NFL has for their fans when it comes to a chance to milk a buck. They put that game on ESPN, sold all the commercials and sold out a stadium. All for what amounted to a dress rehearsal of a powder puff football game.

They put microphone on the players. How did they keep from cracking up? When I played flag football in New York for the “New York Times” in their publishing league, the real physical contact was ten times more than the Pro Bowl. We had live blocking.

How about those absurd rules? No kickoffs. No blitzing. No football. 

No AFC versus NFC, it was like a crappy fantasy game. Michel Irvin is without a doubt the greatest football coach who has been arrested many times for cocaine and numerous sexual assaults.

Why is that human ass-crack, Irvin, still on TV? The NFL is trying to live down their countless sexual assault and drug charges and yet they prop up that coke-head and serial sex assaulter, Michael Irvin. 

Were Bill Cosby and Charlie Sheen not available? 

Oh, and, I loves me some dah coach, Mike Ditka, but somebody get the punks off his lawn. His "Grumpier Old Men" imitation was old before it got old.

The scariest part of this collection of train wreck decisions they call the NFL Pro Bowl is knowing they were approved by the $40-mil-a-year man, Roger Goodell.  You thought he was inept before? 

Even my boy, my jam, my main man, Clay Tres, so nice they named him thrice, Clay Matthews III, could not take this game seriously. He celebrated with his Packer teammate, Jordy Nelson, when Nelson scored for the other team. And the Matthews family takes eating cereal seriously. 

During the Pro Bowl, the NFL did manage to clearly show how much everyone holds field goals in contempt. Skinny gold posts. Longer kicks. What’s next? Blindfolds?

It is going to take the NFL a long time to get the stink of the 2014-2015 season off of it.

A good way to start fumigating themselves would be to cancel that scam-sham  they call a Pro Bowl. 

And fire Michael Irvin.