Monday, October 06, 2014

There is all kinds of speculation as to what has happened to Kim Jong Un. Has anyone checked Dennis Rodman’s man cave?

It is hot in LA. I am sweating like Ben Affleck in a Synagogue.
In a discussion of the terrorist group, ISIS, Ben Affleck became furious at Bill Maher for stereotyping Muslims as terrorists. You could practically hear the producers of “Gone Girl” muttering “Please shut up, Ben.”
Of course it is wrong to say all Muslims are terrorists. That would be like saying all movies are as bad as “Gigli.”

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are expecting. No word on what the baby’s name will be, but I am betting on Hashtag Free Range Oven Mitt.

The Secret Service allowed President Obama to ride in an elevator with an armed ex-convict. It was considered the scariest elevator ride ever without Beyonce’s sister Solange or Ray Rice.

Raven Symone*, who is living with her girlfriend, told Oprah she does not want to be labeled gay or African American. The correct term is: Hammy, Horrible Actress.

At Dodger Stadium, Larry King has seats right behind home plate. King hasn’t had seats that good since he cheered for the Christians to beat the lions in the Roman Coliseum.
Since you asked:
These truck commercials during the playoff games are making me question my manhood. Not once have I even come close to pulling a train engine out of the mud.
Although I admit I am not a baseball expert, can someone explain to me why the San Francisco Giants are playing the Walgreens baseball team?

Although I admit he is a talented player, I am not a fan of the Washington Nationals’ Bryce Harper. He looks like a cartoon character of every smug, egomaniacal jock who ever hung a nerd from their underwear on a locker hook. That self-satisfied, brat’s, err, I mean Bryce’s face is just begging to be slapped. He looks like every skateboarder who delights in scaring pedestrians by coming too close. Tell that punk to get off my lawn.

* Re: Raven Symone. Since it has been a whole month since I have mentioned I attended the press day at the last Super Bowl held in San Diego, I will mention that Raven Symone was also there with a film crew. She was amazing to watch. 
The split second the camera lights went on, her face beamed and she was the absolute picture of cheerful exuberance. She launched effortlessly into her patented over-acting, hammy/corny style that her Disney fans have come to expect.  

The split second the camera went off, she screamed like the crazed diva witch she is at her crew chastising their every single move and threatening to fire people with each take. 

Thus was created the greatest inside joke in Hollywood with the title of her show "That's So Raven." 

How many times have we heard of tales of gay icons, like Madonna and Barbra Streisand, coming in contact with their most ardent and loyal fans only to eviscerate them with their vile and poisonous personalities? Raven is a mini gay icon who did that to the poor guy who wrote a website dedicated to her for five years.