That's why the lady, that's why that kooky broad, that's why that nutty, nutty gal, is a tramp, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers. 

A group that worships Satan wants to give “Educational activity books” to Florida children. To which Florida replied; “What’s a book?”

It is so hot in Los Angeles, people are going to Dodger games just to feel the cool breeze coming off of Yasiel Puig’s bat when he strikes out. (.183% in his last 31 games)

Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling had a baby girl. Even the after-birth was beautiful. 

Anheuser-Busch has severely criticized the NFL in their handling of their player’s misconduct. They should talk, almost all the players in the Bud Bowl have blood-alcohol levels through the roof.

You can’t blame Budweiser for being indignant, after all, alcohol has never been a factor in domestic abuse.

The only country to support us in bombing ISIS is France. That’s like having a casting call for actresses and only the Kardashians show up.

England’s Prime Minster, David Cameron, warned Scotland that becoming independent from Great Britain has not worked well for the countries that did it. To which the United States said; “Uh, hello?”

Scotland is voting on their independence from the United Kingdom. Why? Being part of Great Britain hasn’t kilt them.

In Germany they found a rare hybrid of a goat and sheep they’re calling a Geep. Which I guess is better than calling it a little Sheet.