Due to recent security lapses, the White House has installed a three-foot fence around the perimeter. Experts say the three-foot fence will be effective in keeping out Kim Jong Un as well as both the Olsen twins.

A restaurant in China admits lacing its noodles with opium to hook customers. You know General Tso’s chicken? This dish was called Mayor Rob Ford’s noodles.

How does that work? “These noodles need something.” “Salt?” “No.” “Pepper?” “No.” “Opium?” “That’s it.”  

Researchers have found a way to give women an orgasm at the touch of the button. It is called speed-dialing Tiffany.