Monday, April 21, 2014

Up to 30 al Qaeda terrorists were killed by a drone just days after releasing a video that identified them and their location while celebrating at their homes. These terrorists were said to belong to the al Qaeda sect: al Howstupida Kanzaybee.

Authorities question if a 16-year-old boy stowed in a wheel well from San Jose to Hawaii; the amount of insulation a body would require to survive freezing temperatures and the lack of oxygen to the brain would have to approach Kardashian levels.

The men’s division of the Boston Marathon was won by a 38-year-old San Diegan, Meb Keflezighi. Now, I don’t want to say Meb is old, but his last name came from the last eye chart he passed over 10 years ago.

Here is my list of great rock stars who have more than a little corny pop-star/jingle/folk singer/bad writer in them. 

Remember, they have to be great to make the list. That is why Jefferson Starship is not on it. They suck.

Paul McCartney. Three words: “Silly Love Songs.” Another word: “Wings.”
David Crosby.  Great pipes, but the guy is a cape-wearing folk singer.
Lenny Kravitz. The guy started out as a Prince cover under the name Romeo Blue.
Eddie Van Halen “Me Wise Magic.”
Aerosmith. “Pink.”
Billy Joel. Also great, but a glorified lounge singer. A truly great lounge singer, but a lounge singer all the same. 

Prince. He wrote “Manic Monday.”
Elton John. “I Can’t Steer My Heart Clear of You.” Let’s face it, most of his stuff these days sounds too “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” Disney movie-like.
Jim Morrison. The guy wrote poetry. And “Love Street.”
Phil Collins. As great as Genesis was, “Sussudio” makes me suh suh sick.
George Harrison. “Got My Mind Set On You.” Again, I am huge George fan, he was my favorite Beatle, but he started out so strong with “All Things Must Pass” and then, much later, had some stinkers. Kids, don’t do drugs.
Sting “If You Love Somebody.”
Rush. Have warmed to them over time, but much of their stuff leaks over to techno-folkie. Say it with me again, Depeche Mode and Emerson, Lake and Palmer fans: there just is no such thing as pseudo-intellectual rock and roll.
Bob Dylan “Hurricane” is pretty bad, but “Wiggle Wiggle” is worse.
Beatles. “Obladi Oblada” is bad by any measure. The moral? Even the best ever can write a crap song.
Styx’s Dennis DeYoung. The guy is a real cornball lounge lizard. “Desert Moon” is even worse than “Mr. Roboto” if that is even possible.
James Taylor. Truly love the guy, top of my list, but some of the stuff with Carly Simon was a little sappy.
Michael Jackson. “Ben”
Elvis Presley “In the Ghetto” and many others. Never really ever made it to being a big Elvis fan. Too much of the Las Vegas and Karate in the sequin white suits for me.
America “Tin Man.”

Eagles. “Greeks Don’t Like No Freaks” is one crappy-ass skid mark of a song in a mostly illustrious collection. Would have put the onus on Glenn Frey - “Sexy Girl” truly sucks - until I heard Henley’s “Building the Perfect Beast,” and when I say heard, I have never made it all the way through that sorry pig.