Which one of you twinkle-toed c@cksuckers just signed their own death warrant, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?

The leaders of the Hague G8 conference have decided to kick out Russia, thus making it the G7 conference. Now Russia has to take it’s lunch trey and go sit with the peanut allergy kids.

Not only that, but now Russia is totally not even invited to go watch the movie, “Divergence” and then come over for the sleep over.

The leaders of the Hague G8 conference have decided to kick out Russia, thus making it the G7 conference. And if France doesn’t stop thinking its so cool, it could be the G6 conference. Thus officially launching the first ever Mean Girls Conference.

The movie “Noah” is coming soon. I’m no biblical scholar, but isn’t “Noah” the story about that guy who hated unicorns?

The leaders of the Hague G8 conference have decided to kick out Russia. So now it is the G7 with the US, Germany, France, England, Canada, Tito and Germaine.

Pope Francis warned members of the mafia they were going to hell; not sure about that, but you know who is going to hell? Grocery store clerks who let people sneak in too many items in the 12 items or less line.

Also store clerks who help people on the phone when you’re standing there in person.

Since you asked:

If Mark Cuban is right and the NFL’s hopes are tagged to Fantasy Football, than the NFL’s ess is gonna get effed in the bee. In the words of Judge Shmales, Fantasy Football suhsuhsuhsuhsucks.

If you are not one of the lucky few to land the scant handful of franchise QB’s and then pair him with the lottery pick running- back-of- the- year, you’re toast. How fickle is the short list of franchise QB's? Two words: Eli Manning. 

And the running back of the year is just about that. Running backs have a two-year shelf life on top due to injuries, defenses ganging up on them with 6-5, 310 pound guys who run a 4.5 and their top blocker getting traded to free agency. If you think the Beast, Marshawn Lynch, will still be in beast-mode after next year, you’re brain is in beast-mode. With the exception of that DNA freak, Adrian Petterson, the days of Emmitt Smith are long gone. 

Forget receivers. The aforementioned franchise QB’s spread the ball like it is hot cream cheese. And does anyone actually give a damn about team defenses in FF? Anyone? Bueller?