Oh no it won't . . . 

In sad news, the Captain and Tennille are getting divorced; things have not been good since Tennille found out the Captain is as much a Captain as Captain Crunch.

In Maine, a man Nicholas Brown, broke his leg in a snowmobile accident and crawled 2.5 miles in the snow to safety. He said it was easy, all he had to do was imagine having to listen to his daughter’s entire collection of Justin Bieber songs instead.

Since you asked:

A couple of years ago, my daughter’s soccer team traveled to San Francisco for a tournament and we hiked in the mind-boggling-gorgeous Muir Woods. One of the dads is a very funny guy named Rich, and I was mentioning how the California redwoods, along with the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, the cable cars, Hearst Castle, are so iconic to the rest of us growing up outside of California.

He asked what made me want to live out here instead of Chicago. Told him I love Chicago, but there was just something magical in everything I saw or heard about California when I was just a kid:

The picture in “Life” that showed beautiful women skiing in Tahoe in bikinis. How was that possible? We had bikinis and skiing, well in Wisconsin and Michigan, but they had to happen at opposite times of the year.

OJ Simpson galloping in the warm sunshine of the L.A. Rose Bowl while I was watching on TV on a bitterly cold New Year’s Day in Chicago. (This was way before his throat slashing days) 

Daniel Boone was filmed in California. And I loved me some Daniel Boone.

Batman was filmed, oh, hell everything was filmed in California. (As soon as I moved away, everything John Hughes filmed was in Winnetka) 

But one of the things that really got me was freezing my butt off in the basement watching cartoons in the dead of winter on Saturday morning and watching a cereal commercial for Frosted Flakes that featured several kids skate boarding – along with Tony the Tiger - down a hill to the beach.

Rich stopped in his tracks and laughed and said;

“Shut up.”

“What?” I asked. “I’m serious, when you’re ten and freezing your ass off in the middle of a Chicago winter, and there are kids skateboarding to the beach, it makes a big impression.”

 “Did Chris” – his wife – “set you up?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

My buddy, Rich, was one of those kids in that commercial. He practically put himself through college skateboarding for commercials. He was one of three medal winners in a local skateboard contest, so they all got hired on the spot.

He said they started up on a hill in a brand new housing development above Malibu and skated down to the beach. They had a guy standing in for Tony the Tiger and they were not supposed to cross in front of him and the camera. They added the cartoon tiger later. 

Rich then made an announcement:

"Gather together, folks, I have both an announcement and confession. Ahem. Alex just informed me I am the main reason he moved to California from Chicago."

This was immediately followed by a Mel Brooksian rain on Rich of boos, obscenities, thrown water bottles and insults. 

Gotta admit I was a little sad to find out Tony the Tiger did not do his own skateboarding.