Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Hey, hey on the Tay-Tay, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The Super Bowl is in Giant Stadium in New Jersey in less than two weeks; that is unless Gov. Chris Christie decides to block access to it.
There are now allegations that, in a Target parking lot, New York Jet tight end, Kellen Winslow, was masturbating in his car. And I thought my wife liked to shop at Target.
A study claims comedians are more likely to have psychopathic traits; now, that is the stupidest thing I – or the six voices in my head – have ever heard.
Jim Beam is introducing their new brand of bourbon called the Devil’s Cut, where the bourbon is extracted from the wood of the barrels. Let me tell you something, if you’re sucking the whisky out of an old oak cask, you may have a drinking problem.
Last Friday was the 20th anniversary of the 6.6 Northridge earthquake; to give you an idea how bad it was, if that quake happened today, it could actually shake a straight male into a theater showing “August: Osage County.”
In Queens, police found two legs and an arm in the East River; man, I knew it was expensive to live in New York, but I didn’t know it cost an arm and two legs . . .
What have the Lakers lost? 12 out of their last 14? The Lakers are so bad, some of their straight, male fans are skipping the game to watch the movie “August: Osage County” instead.
The Lakers are so bad, Justin Bieber threw eggs at their team bus.
A study claims comedians are more likely to have psychopathic traits; personally, I find this both offensive as well as insightful as to why I sometimes wear my pants on my head.
For the first time, the Super Bowl will feature two teams in cities, Seattle and Denver, where marijuana is legal; experts predict a lot of money will be won betting on the instant replays.

Since you asked:
How stupid was that Richard Sherman's meltdown? Not only did Sherman, who made just two plays, albeit one an important one, take all the attention away from a great performance by Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch and the rest of the team, but he figured out the only way to make the Broncos and Peyton Manning want to work harder to burn him.

Richard Sherman is a smart guy. A Stanford guy. That's what makes what he did so annoying. When a smart, good looking, intelligent and talented guy like Richard Sherman does something asinine, like attacking Michael Crabtree - whom I am sure is a stone jerk, who threatens somebody at a charity event?  -  attacks him, sans class, in the press?  We should be able to call Sherman on it without being an implied racist. 

In my last “Eff You” to Fantasy Football, the football brain that two years ago picked the Forty Niners as one of the future best teams and Andrew Luck as the best young QB and was rewarded with that insight with second to last place in my league? 

I was in a playoff pool with 55 people, and it is down to me and one other guy. I picked nine out of ten, he picked ten out of ten.