Wait for it, wait for it, now paddle hard, catch it and turn, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Miley Cyrus hosted SNL: Salacious Naked Lasciviousness.

After losing to the Philadelphia Eagles, 36-21, the New York Giants are now 0-5. And here I didn’t even know the Giants were part of the US government.

The Dallas Cowboys lost to the Denver Broncos, 51-48, they are below 500% at 2-3, and yet they are still tied for first with the Eagles in the NFC East. No matter how badly they perform, the Cowboys are still #1. They are the Miley Cyrus of football. 

Good news, a missing 70-year-old New Orleans man with Alzheimers disease, Norwood DeGruy, was found Sunday; my Uncle Louie has a unique form of Alzheimers, it’s the kind where he can’t remember to bring his wallet.

This kerfuffle between Speaker John Boehner and President Obama is getting ugly; the White House got it’s official Halloween pumpkin today and they carved Boehner’s face on it. Hey, it’s the right color.

If you can’t decide what to be this Halloween, you could always dress up like an NFL player. Or you could go as a Jacksonville Jaguar.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are 0-5 and looking bad; the Jaguars are so bad, even Tim Tebow doesn’t think they have a prayer.

Since you asked, “Sorry John Snake” edition:

In an excerpt of his book in “Entertainment Weekly”, Johnny Carson’s lawyer, Henry Bushkin, revealed the night Johnny found out his wife, Joanne, was sleeping with Frank Gifford. Johnny said; “Gifford plays three positions, I could never get Joanne to do more than two.” Even dead Johnny Carson is funnier than all of us. 

It could have been worse. It could have been Howard Cosell.

How about the excerpt from the Bombastic Bushkin? A few nights later, a drunk Carson leaves a bar with a tall brunette actress who I believe was either Ally MacGraw or Lynda Carter. True or not, how wild was the entertainment world in 1970? Pushed underground by the Manson murders, cocaine and acid fueled orgies still abounded.

According to writer Geoff Cush, Carly Simon and Joni Mitchell all slept with Crosby, Nash, Young – nobody could stand Stills because he was such an a-hole and that is saying something if he was worse than Crosby – Warren Beattie, Mick Jagger, Steve McQueen, Dennis Hopper, Eric Clapton, Jackson Browne, Glen Frey and Don Henley.

Cat Stevens too, but Cat worried Carly because he also enjoyed the fellas, which was thought to be, at the time, a hip lifestyle choice. It was a time when tolerance about sex and drugs was taken to a point of insanity. Thankfully, we now know doing a bowl full of drugs and having indiscriminate sex with strangers is, in fact, a truly bad idea even before AIDs.

Every generation has their form of a sexual revolution (see: Miley Cyrus) but coming from the uptight 50's and 60's, the summer of love, 1968, was a wild one. 

The orgies were the worst kept secret in California and the subsequent rumors of wild drug fueled orgies made it all the way to Suburban Chicago in 1972. Stars thought to be fairly straight, drug wise, ala Paul Newman, were being photographed with a "I do lots of cocaine" symbol: a gold razor blade hanging from their neck chain and wearing "Cocaine" t-shirts in the shape of the Coke logo.

The excuse most used at the time was the coke-fueled romances helped the creative process. Eagles-guitarist Don Felder joked in his book they were always happy to see one of Henley’s new girlfriends because he knew, after they broke up in a few months, they would get a good song out of it.

"Wasting our time on cheap talk and wine that does so little to give" 

"Best of My Love."

The list of songs springing from this scene are as endless as they are famous: Hendrix's "Little Wing" Led Zeppelin's "Going to California", "Misty Mountain Hop" CS and N's "Helplessly Hoping." Carly Simon wrote "You're So Vain" which Mick Jagger asked to sing on so people wouldn't think it was about him. (It was, but mostly about Warren Beatty) 

And that is just a partial "Players" list. And Carly and Joni were considered “good girls” because they didn’t do the orgy scenes, like Jane Fonda, Candice Bergan, Michelle Phillips and Sharon Tate.

"Come on, not Candice Bergen, not "Murphy Brown" you say. Let's walk through this one more time. Dennis Wilson housed Charles Manson and his girls in exchange for free drugs and sex. (Manson's cocaine connection was the Hell's Angels) 

During that time, the producer of the Beach Boys, was Terry Melcher, who was Doris Day's son, who became a big fan of Manson's and frequent attender at Manson's "parties.". Melcher's girlfriend was Candice Bergen. At the time, they lived at his house at 10050 Cielo Drive - a house later rented to Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate. 

Dennis Wilson threw out Manson because of spiriling sex-induced medical costs and house damages. This pissed off Manson. At the same time Manson thought Melcher ripped him off on a song of his the Beach Boys used. Many feel the Manson murders at Cielo were meant for Melcher. Melcher certainly believed this and lived in high-security hiding for years and years after. 

(Is there heresay and conjecture in this? Yes, but I am laboring under the "Where there is smoke, there is fire." This stuff is smoking like Snoop Lion's tour bus)

Cher was considered a downright prude with this crowd because she neither did coke nor participated in orgies, and she married drug and booze receptical Greg Allman. Suffice it to say, it was a wild, wild scene.

Excuse my pun, but late-comers to this scene were Stevie Nicks, Judy Collins and Linda Rondstadt. Basically, all the celebrities and coke dealers (again, supplied by the Hells Angels) who hung out at Dan Tana’s – which was everyone from Carson to the Eagles’ favorite hangout - were in this scene/crowd.

Almost nobody got out of this mess without scars. From James Taylor to Jackson Browne, almost all had nasty rehab-inducing drug collapses. Carson and Rondstadt were rumored to have had the inside of their noses rebuilt.  

As decadent, rank, putrid and ugly as it would turn into, there clearly was a golden time - circa 1968 to 1976 - in Laurel Canyon and Malibu and Sunset and Santa Monica Blvd, where life was a gorgeous swirl of Dan Tana’s pasta sauce, red wine, money, fame, tequila, hot tubs, pools, drugs with gorgeous famous people having sex with other gorgeous famous people in pillow-covered living rooms with plush rugs and 360 degree views of Los Angeles.

Like Mama Cass warned about going to one of those parties to the sweet and gentle song-writer, Randy Newman, who then wrote a song about it and sold it to “Three Dog Night.”

"Mama Told Me Not to Come"