I’m just sayin’ I’m just sayin I’m just sayin’, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

OJ Simpson is so fat from eating donuts, now he wants to go find the real crullers.

OJ Simpson is so fat, he’s wanted for the double murder of Betty Crocker and Famous Amos.

OJ Simpson is so fat he wants to go on a long slow police chase in a Good Humor truck.

OJ Simpson is so fat, in the prison’s theater production of “Big Mama’s House” OJ is playing the house.

OJ Simpson is so fat, now when the news announcer says he’s merging from the 210 onto the 405, they mean on the scale.

Reports are that New York Yankee slugger, Alex Rodriguez, will be suspended for life for using performance enhancing drugs again; A-Rod would never hit again. It will be like it’s the playoffs all the time.

The Peter-Tweeter-Repeater, Anthony Weiner, has fallen from first place to fourth place in the polls; that is some serious shrinkage.

This just in from London: The Royal Nanny says the Royal baby just took a Royal poop.

In Beaverton, Ore, a man was arrested for trying to rob a gun shop armed with a baseball bat; Monte Carlo has a $50 mil. jewel thief, we got guys like this.

OJ Simpson is so fat, the OJ now stands for Oreo Jammer.

Since you asked:

My wife and I were flying from San Diego to New York for Thanksgiving with our great friends, the Woods. For whatever reason, we had to go stand-by. When they called us to give us our tickets, we were in first class. A glorious screw up. First class is niiiiiiiiiiiice.

So on the way back home we were on stand-by at the Newark airport. The woman behind the United desk was a solid New Jersey type. Lots of personality. So I tell my wife I was going to schmooze her into giving us First class again. As usual, Virg was skeptical about my schmoozing skills. 

Made some jokes about how nice it was to be in first class on the way out and that it would be cruel to make us drop down for the returning flight. She laughed, but she wasn’t having any of it. So I decided to throw out my booked hotel trick.

 You ask the hotel desk clerk, if the President of the United States needed a room, would you give him one? When they say of course, you say; “Well he isn’t coming, so give his room to me.”

So I hit the United Newark lady with “You would book your brother-in-law in first class if he asked.” She shoots right back with; “I hate my brother-in-law.” This cracked me up.

So I have to go back and report to Virg the schmooze was a no-go.

The United woman calls our name and hands us our tickets to board. When she hands me the tickets she says;

“Have a nice flight, brother-in-law.” Look down at the tickets. They are for row One A and B. First class. Gave her a big hug.

It pays to be nice to folks when you travel.