Calling all bro’s, ho’s, hipsters, dipsters and quipsters, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A defiant Anthony Weiner refused to quit the New York mayoral race saying; “Quit is not how we roll.” Well, at least nobody can call him the Peter-Tweeter-Retreater.

Sunday here in Southern Ca., a riot broke out after a surfing contest. Authorities report six dudes were bummed, three got radical, and one Barney righteously biffed.

On her new talk show, Chris Jenner admitted she has faked orgasms during sex; that is nothing, her husband, Bruce Jenner, has faked wanting to have sex with a woman.

A former Redlands high school teacher who had a baby with her student, pleaded guilty to sex crimes and will go to jail for a year. The male student, however, faces a possible lifetime of high-fives and free drinks.

A U.C. San Diego student, Daniel Chong, was arrested by the DEA for marijuana and was thrown in a holding cell and forgotten about for five days. He just won a $4.1 million settlement with the Dept. of Justice. So kids, let that be a lesson to you, smoke pot and do nothing for five days, and you too can be a millionaire.

Anthony Weiner’s campaign manager, Danny Kedem, resigned. In fact, he rushed to get out of there, he was the Peter-Tweeter-Stampede’r.

Simon Cowell had denied having an affair with a friend’s wife, now she is pregnant with Cowell’s child. Oh my word, that is shocking. Simon Cowell is straight?

Lex’s Random Thoughts:

When it comes to coffee, I am a reverse snob. Yes, I buy good Peet’s Coffee, French Roast, but I make it at home. Good water, a dash of honey and Coffee Mate. Every now and then I get a Latte at Starbucks just to remind me how much I hate that place. Long lines, expensive, lousy service, snotty people. But you know what? That latte is the ess.

I’ve decided to call the latest generation: Generation Meh. They are so entitled they even bore themselves.

Scallops and Risotto are the new Steak and Potatoes.

Sorry, you will now notice this all the time: the lazy slobs who hang a slow, diagonal walk in front of your car in the parking lot? They always have a giant ass. Unless they’re old, but we give the oldies a pass.