How 'bout we throw shade at this charade, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers? 

Anyone undecided on which team to cheer for in the Super Bowl, go with the team that does not have a guy acquitted for murder on a technicality,  whom the forensic expert said of all the victim’s blood on his coat, he either stabbed the man or held him as he was stabbed. 

Uh, that is Ray Lewis, by the way. 

Now, the only thing I hate to do more than brag is say I told you so, but (remember everything before the but is B.S.) I was the one who, when Harbaugh was appointed head coach, told Forty Niner fans to book their Super Bowl tickets. 

Saw up close what Harbaugh did for a non-existent USD football program. Then a 1-11 Stanford program. And his brother, John, is just as amazing. 

Hell, so is their Dad. 

And while I am patting myself on my back, what did I say was the common denominator of Performance Enhancing Drug cheaters? They are unmitigated A-holes, and Lance Armstrong is a world class A-hole. 

You cannot count the number of people the vindictive jerk, Lance-pants-on-fire, set to ruin financially and professionally, including non-cheater Tour winner, Greg LeMonde. 

Lance Armstrong is a horrible, horrible person who deserves all the bad stuff that is about to happen to him. And this includes giving him credit for raising millions and millions for cancer. 

The worst part about this Lance Armstrong fiasco? Is admitting the French were right about hating him. God, that hurts . . . 

P.S. Ray Lewis's torn triceps? That is a classic steroid injury. Physiologists know a normal muscle will not allow itself to get so strong it will tear itself from the bone.  You have to take steroids for that to happen. 

"30 Rock's" Liz Lemon trying to get Jenna to stop crying:

"I'll show you the video clip of Taylor Swift getting hit in the face with a foul ball."

To be honest, I am starting to question the authenticity of some of these cooking contest shows, like “Top Chef” and “Chopped.” 

“Let’s see what the secret ingredients are: Lug nuts, a Speedo swimsuit and maggots. You have two minutes.” 

“Hmmm, the lug nuts are cooked perfectly and I love how you used the maggots to tenderize the flavorful Speedo.”