Thursday, January 17, 2013

It’s your bet, loving man, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

This flu epidemic is bad. Your fever can go so high, and your mind can become so cloudy, you think you had an imaginary dead girlfriend.

The heart-wrenching story that Notre Dame linebacker, Manti Te’o’s girlfriend died in September of Leukemia, turns out it was a hoax to get him publicity. Even OJ Simpson is all; “Dude, do you have any shame?”

I’ve already picked Manti to be on my Deluded Fantasy Football Team.

Now Notre Dame is trying to spin it that Te’o was duped and knew nothing about the hoax. All they have to do now is make him a priest and transfer him to another parish.

No truth to the rumor Notre Dame is changing its name to No Te'o Dame. 

When informed of the Manti Te’o hoax, Lance Armstrong said; “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

More disturbing disgraced sports figures news. Remember three-time Olympian-runner-turned-Las Vegas hooker, Suzy Favor Hamilton? She used to charge clients $1,000 dollars to do a three-way with Manti Te’o’s imaginary girlfriend. 

We should have known, Te’o is a Samoan word that means: Politician.

In other news, sadly, a man in Florida was killed when he left his truck to open a gate and his dog stepped on the accelerator. That’s what happens when you name a dog Lindsay Lohan.

Since you asked:

Manti Te’o? To brutally paraphrase Occam’s razor: the simplest answer is right. Manti’s cousin/friend, Tuiasasopo,  cooked up this scheme to get more Heisman publicity and Manti went along with it.

What do we know? Manti said he met her at Stanford, or allowed people to believe his father who said he met her at Stanford. Either way, Manti lied and kept on lying.

Notre Dame is trying to spin it that Te’o was duped. So that means either Te’o is an utter idiot or a liar. I’m going to go with the simpler answer: a liar.

This just in: Just read Manti told "ESPN" magazine he met her and she was the most beautiful girl he ever saw. Confirmed, he is a liar.

Why would his cousin/friend, or anyone else, go to such lengths for more Heisman publicity? The only person who had anything to gain if this moronic scheme did not blow up, was Manti.

Manti, learn a painful lesson that Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong did not: the sooner you tell the truth the better off you will be. 

With this much heat, the truth is going to come out. 

Is it just me?

Or does "Girls" Lena Dunham - I am a fan - look like the girl in sophomore biology class the football jock picks as a lab partner because she will do all the work?