Thursday, May 31, 2012

Wrap a flag around you and do it for your country*

Don't effin' or be messin' wit da man wit' no eyes, Luke, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Hey. It's been days since anybody ate a homeless guy's face, slept with their teacher or stabbed their mother over drugs. Keep up the good work, Florida, and you'll catch West Virginia in no time. 

Since you asked:
 *To be blunt, Lolo Jones's virginity really stumps me. Not just because she is so hot and incredibly fit. 

Having experienced a track training environment, it is almost a miracle she hasn't - as the kids say - hooked up with a fellow track athlete. Especially a pole vaulter, no pun intended. OK, a little intended.

On the track there are like-minded young people with incredible half-naked bodies, you spend time warming up, telling jokes, stretching, in the weight room, in the training room naked and in the whirlpool, you take steam baths together and have boozy parties. 

Let me tell you from experience, there is nothing hornier in the world than a rock-hard, amazingly fit twenty-something track athlete. Your heart pumps more blood more efficiently and the hormones are surging out the roof. You are a sexual time-bomb ready to go off at a moment's notice. 

And besides that, Lolo is a hurdler. Hurdler's are not known for their ability to keep their legs together.