The good news this Christmas? That really hot person at work gave you an unexpected present. The bad news? It was a gift certificate to Yoga For Round Bodies.


Kim Jong-Il and now Cheetah. It's well known that three-foot-tall, poop-flinging celebrities die in threes, so watch your orange ass, Snooki.

Had a rough experience. Went to go see the movie "Warhorse." Saw some nasty, cheap English adult movie called "Whore Arse" by mistake. Danm lyxdesia.

Since you asked:

Those annoying people - old farts get a pass - who hang that rude, lazy and frustrating long-slow-diagonal-walk in front of your car in the parking lot so you have to slow to a crawl until they finally get to their car? They, A, usually have a giant fat ass, and, B, they loudly scuffle their footwear on the blacktop, a sure sign of a douche-bag.

Warning: You will now notice this happening ALL THE TIME.