Did you see what I saw when you first saw this? Yep, her paddle is way too long.

Boo-shang* a ding dang, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The most annoying word of 2011 was voted to be Whatever. The most annoying two words of 2011? Whatever Kardashian.

In Arizona man who had been in a coma so long they were about to harvest his organs, suddenly woke up. It was miraculous, he jumped out of bed, knelt down and Tebow’d.

By now everyone has seen the viral clip of the L.A. FedEx delivery guy tossing the computer monitor box over a fence. That’s not the worst part. He used to deliver for a pet store.

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” was voted 2011 movie with the most mistakes. It has worse mistakes than the movie who has Chaz Bono in it, “Young Adult.” Sorry, that’s not Chaz Bono, that’s Patton Oswalt, my bad.

It has been revealed that New York Yankee star, Derek Jeter, provides the girls he sleeps with a basket of autographed memorabilia the next morning. This is not new. Madonna has her very own Babe Ruth autographed bat.

Alec Baldwin announced he will not run for Mayor of New York City. Turns out he can’t stop playing Words with Friends long enough to campaign.

Denver Bronco QB, Tim Tebow, is rumored to be dating gorgeous gold medal skier, Lindsay Vonn; well that explains everything. Tebow isn’t kneeling to pray, he’s resting after a night of Lindsay riding him like a Giant Slalom course.

John Edwards is asking if his criminal trial for campaign finance abuse could be postponed due to health reasons. Not sure if the judge will buy this, split ends on Edwards’s bangs isn’t really a health issue.

Kim Kardashians's ex, Kris Humphries, signed a one-year deal with the New Jersey Nets that will give him $8 mil in paychecks. Asked to comment, Kim said; "What is a paycheck?"

Since you asked:
Lex, buddy, I appreciate the effort, I really do.. But you just ain't gonna make Boo-shang a thang. That's it. That's all of it. At the end of the day, not for nothing, it is what it is, literally.